Merry Christmas

"Hi. Today is Christmas Eve... I'm sick."

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year it doesn't surprise me

Happy Christmas
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

A crowded room friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My god I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but
you tore me apart
Ooooh
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Sick with the cold? Sick-minded? Love-sick? Take your pick.

STRESS.

[Edit: I posted this without a title by accident. That's how tired I am.]

"Today... I am exhausted."

In every way possible.

Physically...
...I am feeling ill. I've got the sniffles, headaches, muscle pains... I can't move in the cold. And winter makes me want to go into hibernation.

Mentally...
...There's just one more day before winter break. I'm on the "JUST HANG IN THERE!" sort of mentality right now. What I don't understand is this; I had my last summative two days ago. Why not just have winter break start early? Why do I have to go to class later today? Boo.

Emotionally...
...I am a train wreck. I have no clue what I want, I can't motivate myself to do it. I'm confused. I fear that I've lost a close friend, and that I'm in the process of losing another one. I think I'm messing up my life. I'm losing sleep over this... There's pressure on me coming from all around. No one's happy, no matter what I do. My emotions are hectic, they are chaotic, and I am tired of it. I want to just stop feeling...

I'm going to bed.
Let's hope that everything will be numbed again by the time I wake up.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Wrong smiley. Should be ":("

Absurdism

"Hi. Today... is just one of those days."

Yeah, you know what I mean. Those days when you want nothing to do other than curl up under your blanket and never wake up again.
It's something I miss, just being able to be somewhere, safe and warm and happy. It might have been fake, yes. But even if it was all cleverly constructed lies, I miss that warmth.
There are people who say they care. Here's the thing to realize. Some of them are just playing you. Others think that they actually do care.
In reality, mankind is selfish. We care for naught but ourselves.

My faith in humanity has been lost long since this moment.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Again, not a decent post. I haven't posted anything real in so long... Although I keep saying that I will. I'll get around to it sometime. Once I can make sense of what's been going down.

Once Upon A December

"Hi. Today, it's a winter wonderland outside..."


It's December the 6th today... I'm touched with nostalgia. Although I feel differently now, I do wish for the simpler, happier times past occasionally. 
There are so many "what if?"s floating around in my head. 
I hope you're doing well.






Dancing bears,
Painted wings,
Things I almost remember.
And a song someone sings
Once upon a december

Someone holds me safe and warm;
Horses prance through a silver storm;
Figures dancing gracefully,
Across my memory...

Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart used to know;
Things I yearn to remember.
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December 


goodbye
ttyl :)


P.S- You were the one who told me that it's never truly goodbye. 
11:11; make a wish.

For Carol Chui

"Hi. Today, I'm gonna waste an entire post just for one person."
HI CAROL!

: D

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I'll post a real post sometime soon. Promise. Or not.

Sad Lives and Secret Missions

"Hi. Today, I painted the library... While moving furniture, the book shelf fell on me. Haha, whoops."

It's been a while since I've posted anything decent. Life been sort of... horrible for the past while.

I think that's all I meant to say, actually. Just checking in to state that I'm still around and just not posting because I don't feel like it.

Don't worry, I'll probably be able to pull something up in a while. (Especially in a week...)

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- IT. HAS. BEGUN!

Shawty's Just a Lying Explosive Teenage DJ on Replay

Shawty's Just a Lying Explosive Teenage DJ on Replay

Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay

 

Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay

 

Let me tell you bout a girl who's changed my world

I don't know just how she's doing that,

just in my mind, she's taking my time,

i was losing my way but now she's bringing me back

 

Let me tell you bout a girl who changed my life

she's a triple threat and she's just my type

voice of a goddess, can dance to this flow

she be turning heads everywhere that she goes

 

she's my ipod, i got her on replay

love the way she lies and she's making me wanna say

the dj got us falling in love

we're like dynamite, and I just can't get enough

 

what goes up must come down

now baby, you're not around

i'm laying alone in the middle of the night

 

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

 

I came to dance-dance-dance-dance
I hit the floor cause that's my plans plans plans plans
I'm wearing all my favorite brands brands brands brands
Give me some space for both my hands hands hands hands.
Yeah, yeah.

Cause it goes on and on and on.
And it goes on and on and on.

 

Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
So dance, dance, like it's the last, last night of your life, life
Gonna get you right
Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up
and now they’re gone and you wish you could give them everything 

 

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up
and now they’re gone and you wish you could give them everything 

 

cuz 

You make me

Feel like I’m living a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can’t sleep

Let’s run away and don’t ever look back,

Don’t ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and don’t ever look back,

Don’t ever look back.

 

I was thinking about her
Thinking about me
Thinking about us
Who we gonna be
Open my eyes
It was only just a dream

So I travel back

Down that road

Will she come back?
No one ones.

I realize

It was only just a dream

 

Boy, I'll get your heart racing

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

 

See the way you look at me

Come Java Jive with me

Be my teenage dream tonight.

 

Tonight.

-Mandy Thai and Huyee Chan, Java Jive and Pie 2010.

Breathing Underwater

"Hi. Today, I spent $43.77 on plates, cups, forks, gloves, ice cream and whipped cream. Oh dear."

Ever have those moments when you're about to do something really important to yourself? When that happens to me, I end up holding my breath. Okay, not always. But there's a feeling of my chest being squeezed, and I just feel anxious and nervous.

I'm in the middle of an attempt to fix a friendship. In my last post, I mentioned how I hate to lose friends... Which is why I never really give up on trying to save friendships, even ones that I should know are already lost.

It's... hard to describe. The feeling of an invisible pressure on your chest, restricting your breathing, stabbing and scarring not only your heart, but your mind, spirit and soul. They say that time heals everything... But the pain only becomes bearable; it never really disappears. Instead of becoming yourself as you previously were, you march through life, the dull pain beating at you with every pained breath you take.

My dad used to say to me (and he still does!) that a family member is like a limb. Severing ties to them is like losing a limb; flesh of your own flesh, blood of your own blood. No matter how you heal, you'll still be missing a part of you; you'll still bear both the physical, mental and emotional scars. You'll remember the pain.

In a way, friends are sort of the same. You share a part of your life with them; your time, your laughter, your sadness, your anger, your trust, your passions, your secrets, your love. Doesn't that mean that losing a friend is like losing a part of your life?

I feel like I'm drowning without the mercy of death.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll last.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- It was all for Java Jive and Pie! Which is on THURSDAY! Time to panic! Haha.

how to save a life?

"Hi. Today, I'm finally blogging again!"

HELLO AGAIN. It is actually amazing that I'm writing again. That one-week hiatus thing was really hard for me to do... Every time something happened, I had the urge to blog about it.
Let's see... what's happened in the past week:
-I failed about 12435283u238 tests (yes, the u included.)
-Bayview's 50th Anniversary
-TYWO concert!
-Made a friend angry (I don't even know if that friend still is a friend... /sadface.)

I think I'll write briefly about the 50th Anniversary and the TYWO concert, but the main portion of this blog will probably be about the last topic there...  Yeah, I'm skipipng over academics completely. Shows just how important grades are to me. Haha.

Bayview's 50th Annviersary. I was at the school by 10, helping to set up sound and for the band. It was up to me and two others to get everything set up- sound, projector, moving all 100-some chairs up from the music room into the gym, moving percussion equipment into the gym (without carving trenches in the gym floor!), lighting, setting up chairs, etc. It went pretty smoothly though... Our performances were okay, I suppose, being our first concert of the year. (Our second is coming up today, actually!) I did happen to see a man who looked like my elementary school music teacher, although I didn't have a chance to question him. I would have liked to talk to him though; I owe that teacher a lot. After all, it was he who started my interest in music.

TYWO Concert. After Bayview's Anniversary (or rather, in the middle of it) I had to leave for a TYWO dress rehearsal. Oh jeez, that was an amazing concert. Percussion ensemble, White Rose percussion soli, Joe's Last Mix, The Big Apple, Grand Central Station (GRRRR.) It was like riding a speeding train with no brakes- scary, fast, exhilerating and full of thrills. Playing amazing music with amazing musicians call for an amazing concert... I won't be forgetting that one any time soon.

I recently made a friend mad at me... And now it seems that he won't talk to me, or just doesn't want to. I'm not really sure what to do...
In the past, I've found that I'm asked this question many times: "What is your greatest fear?"
My childish self, not knowing what to answer, replied something along the lines of spiders, ghosts, the dark, my sister Yvonne, etc, etc. Now though, I know better. It's not an easy fear to have, and I find that it often prevents me from trusting people.
My greatest fear is the fear of losing a friend.
When it happens, you lose someone with whom you've shared a part of yourself. A friend is part of your life, your comfort, your happiness, someone who understands you and knows your secrets (some, if not all.) I find that recently, because of my fear, I haven't allowed myself to get too close to people- with one exception. And now, it seems like that only exception will disappear, along with all other past friends. This leads into a cycle that doesn't have a happy ending...
When I'm upset, I find that I don't turn to anyone in particular; I never share my worries or troubles with friends or family. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't seem to trust anyone with the things I keep in my mind and heart. So, I turn to music. Many a night have I signed off of the computer only to shut myself in the study and play piano for hours on end. It's an escape for me, for my emotions, and for my thoughts. The one way for my opinions to be voiced and heard safely... from me, by me.
All this sort of makes me feel like there isn't anyone I can talk to, and there certainly isn't anyone that I can depend on or trust.
All the same... I still value my friends.
Maybe if I were more distant, I wouldn't upset them, wouldn't hurt them... And then they, in turn, wouldn't be able to hurt me.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- it's good to be back. blogging's another way to release all this tension... except people can read these entries D: oh well.
where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

Quality vs. Quantity?

"Hi. Today, I had a nervous breakdown, then went crazy happy. I think I'm just cool like that. (y) yeyehh."

THIS IS
going to be a very
[short]
blog entry
...
...
...
cuz I need to get to sleep. :)

Anyhow, I was talking to a friend earlier tonight (this morning? last night?) and I mentioned that he blogged very little, compared to how often I blog. He mentioned something about quality vs. quantity... I'm not quite sure what. My brain is scattered at this time of morning (night?) SO yes. I'm going to refrain from blogging for about a week. Just to see.
Will a decrease in quantity prove an increase in quality? (inverse relations~ oh dear, math.)

This was a
VERY
[short]
blog entry.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Refraining from blogging will actually be very difficult for me; Blogging has grown on me, as surprising as that is. I guess I just like writing manipulating words  ranting undergoing literary explosions. :)

I'm blue [dabadee dabadie]

"Hi. Today... doesn't feel so great."

Every so often, I fall into one of my more depressive states. I say more depressive states because I seem to always have at least one little thing that brings me down in my pocket, a tiny shadow hanging over my neck. The problem is that I have no clue what exactly is causing this mood.

There's just so many things
tearing up my heart
rocking my brain, i'm going insane again and again, can't keep going this way,
and baby, you're making me scream.

stop what you're doing to me.
you were too busy to believe in all the runaway dreams I was dreaming.
And now I gotta be
puttin on my shades to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumping in my ride and heading out tonight
on the dance floor,
got me singing la la la la la lah
cuz it goes on and on and on...
and it goes on and on and on...

gotta let go.
Your voice when you sleep next to me.
Your touch in my dreams.
I don't wanna miss a single thing you do
Cuz baby, tonight
The dj's got us falling in love again.
I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins,
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break,
so we're breaking free.
We're soaring,
flying.

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.
Need to blow that crazy flame away.
Somebody call 911.
cuz baby, baby, baby,

ohhh
I could really use a wish right now.
There's nothing a hundred men or more could ever do.
You can make me suffer, do whatever, cuz I know you're one of a kind.
And I know it makes no sense since you walked out the door,
but it's the only way I hear your voice anymore.
No more walking around with my head down
I'm
blue,
dabadee dabadie.

goodbye.
ttyl. :)

P.S- Yeah... Pretty much my life summed up in a game of shuffle WMAp. Props to whoever can name all the songs. :)

Pumpkin Screams in the Dead of Rhyme

"Hi. Today, it's Halloween. What will you be dressing up as?"

Life.
There are moments when it's great, and you feel like you can fly.
There are also moments when you wanna break down and cry.
Things always go wrong, no matter how hard you try.
Things so delicate, they shatter with just one little lie.

Here are the lessons I've learned so far:
-Trust no one, no matter who they are.
-It's love you're after, not war.
-In golf, it's impossible to stay on par. (for me, at least.)
-Things don't always go your way.
-There's always a way to brighten a day.
-Don't get too serious, just stay in play.
-It's only a dream, to fly away.

I wrote this for I'm not sure why
All I know is it started from one small lie
And now the only thing left for I
Is to say
goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I didn't mean for this to rhyme.
But surely and steadily, it fell in time.
I can only hope it's not a crime...
Now all that's left is for you to be mine.

Bad Day

"Hi. Today, I felt like everything. I felt like breaking, I felt like crying, I felt like banging my head against the wall. The world drove me mad, made me scream and go silent. I couldn't stand anything at all."

I guess it was just one of those days. Or rather, it is one of those days, seeing as the day hasn't ended yet. First off, I woke up early to get to jazz. It was cold in the house, but I still dragged myself out. Normally, I have no problem with this. But I ended up having to wait for my mom to get out of bed, get dressed, have her morning coffee, read the papers, check her email, yadda yadda yadda until we were finally in the car and on our way to rehearsal.

For the rest of the day, the sky was seriously overcast-  not a stream of sunlight to be seen. It was a dark, grey day, and it didn't help my mood at all. To top it all off, I'm still rather sleep-deprived, making me grumpy and short-tempered, although I tried to hide that as much as possible.

What really bothered me today was the way our school's ensembles behaved in rehearsals. (WARNING: major rant coming up.)

Let's start with the Wind Ensemble. Sure, we might have a good sound... when we're focused. Sure, we might be able to learn music quickly... if only we used that ability. But you know what? None of that matters when we haven't an ounce of good musicianship in our ensembly bones. People talked before playing, between songs, even during pieces, which I found most disrespectful. And when conducted to stop, it took about a minute or two before everyone finally put down their instruments. Yet after that, people continued to talk. It was a rehearsal where nothing got done. It's obvious that almost no one has been practising (and I mean REALLY practising, not just blowing hot air towards their practise logs.) It was a complete waste of my time.

What disturbed me most about Wind Ensemble was- and it really kills to say this- the percussion section. My own section. Usually, I pride myself on having the best-behaved and the closest-knit section in the school. We usually have all of our music printed and learned, we have sectionals, we have our fun moments, and we even have cookie days sometimes. But this year? This year, people are slacking. Music isn't getting learned- it isn't even getting printed! Percussionists are getting lazy as well. No, you don't sit down during the rests between the notes you play, you're a percussionist- stand up and play like you mean it. And NO, you most DEFINITELY do NOT play while sitting down. WATCH the conductor. LISTEN to the ensemble. BALANCE your sound. AND SO ON.

I realize that I'm being unreasonably tough on the section, but this isn't what the Bayview Music Department senior percussion section is like. Over the years, I've become accustomed to the high level of performance and musicianship between the section. This year is a total let-down. I've come to expect excellence- and I still do.

After Wind Ensemble was Jazz Choir rehearsal. Every week since it has started, I've left Jazz Choir rehearsal wanting to shoot myself. The Jazz Choir has always been the elite choir of the school. It's always been composed of the seniors, and it's the group that inspires. This year, the same group is struggling with simple rhythms, jazz feels, and even keeping in tune and in time. (Have you ever heard the joke about singers not needing to tune? THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO!) The singers are new- grade 10s and 11s without singing background or experience, students who aren't at the level expected of the usual Jazz Choir. Worse yet, the teacher in charge this year has no experience in jazz at all. The music choices aren't good, the accompanists have no clue what they're doing, and frankly, neither does the conductor. Like with Wind Ensemble, we are getting nowhere.

I was literally THISCLOSE to just walking out on both ensembles today. Those of you who know me will know how big of a deal that is. But really, with the level that the ensembles are at and at the rate we're progressing, this is all just a waste of my time.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- It's more like D:< today. I apologize for ranting, and being so hard on the ensembles, but really? We could be so much better. This level of performance and musicianship disgusts me. (For those individuals who really do practice and work hard, please realize that I mean the ensembles in general. Not you guys.)

Target Practice

"Hi. Today, I covered some parts at the GTPO concert. It wasn't that hard, and was sorta boring, really... But I met a really cute guy (haha!) Let's just hope he doesn't read blogs- This blog, in particular."

Ready
I've been feeling for a while that it's time for some change. I'm always looking back at myself, and reflecting that there are definitely some problems that need fixing- bad habits, horrible sleep cycles (no really) and the like- but I've always been too passive to fix them. So, as of today, I'm OFFICIALLY setting this in stone (err... e-stone.) I will get these things accomplished.

Aim
The following is a list of goals and the times I want them achieved.

-STOP BEING SO DAMN PASSIVE. Like. RIGHT NOW.

-Get all marks in school up by like... 20%. Seriously. The effort has to start now. Done by (or before!) December.

-Apply to and prepare auditions for: University of Toronto, Western, York, Humber, Julliard? (Oh god.)

-Decide if I really want to double major. If so, in what? (Too many choices...) By Halloween.

-Lose weight. About 50 pounds. By tomorrow would be nice. (Lol okay no, maybe like... 10. By... Christmas, we'll say.)

-Get driver's insurance already! (Okay, this is more up to my parents, but KEEP BUGGING THEM!)

-Clean my room. If work were to start on it now, I'd say it'd be done by... Christmas.

-Get something up on YouTube! ASAP! Before November!

-Keep on trucking along. Don't lose yourself to stress, to emotions, to distraction. Do not allow for weakness. This is forever.

I think that's all there is for now... (I'll add more if I think of any. xD)
You, reader, shall bear as my witness.
I've readied myself.
I've taken aim.
All that's left now is to
Fire.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Unfortunately, it seems he's already got a girlfriend. Oh well- He owes me a pair of hang drums for christmas. :)

Give me Boardwalk! D:

"Hi. Today, I called my older sister. I ordered a salad, a large fries, a mountain dew, and the country of Ghana."

It was hilarious. I could even see my dad trying really hard (and failing) not to laugh. See, when we called, I used this horrible viet accent (ownage pranks, do you agree?) and my little sister used a horrible indian accent. We also ordered Boardwalk, props to the mickdee's monopoly thing, but she wouldn't give it to us. Boo.

Anyhoo, I haven't got much time to write. I've been pretty busy for the past few days... (I'm now at 80 hours without sleep! I'm getting there, Abteen S.!)

The past few days have been sorta boring, really. After parent-teacher interview night on Thursday, I got home and got to work on my english essay. Worked on it till about... 1:30 on Friday. Then, got showered, went to Music Council, then off to Gramma's house I went. It wasn't too much fun... Only my little cousins were there. And they are MONSTERS. To say the least. Would've been much better if the cousins of my generation came (but they already had plans.) So yes. Got home from gramma's, edited Mavis' essay, polished up mine, then sent it in at EXACTLY 11:59pm. Take that, Ellinas!

So today... Let's see. I've got to work in about an hour... Until about 6:30-ish. Then, it's off to the Calvin Presbyterian Church downtown. I get to play with the Greater Toronto Philharmonic Orchestra today. I'm sightreading everything! (While running on negative sleep hours!) Wish me luck, haha.

On a completely unrelated parting note...
Sometimes, it's just not worth it.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- The total came to $931.56, said my sister. I haggled it down to $9.31 by "knocking off only two numbers." Good times, good times.

♪♫Music and Rhythm find their way into the (secret) places of the soul.
                                                      -Plato

Cuz it's 9 in the afternoon.

"Hi. Today... I'm not getting any sleep. AND I'm already out of coffee. Boo."

Okay, it's more like 1:30a.m right now.
"But Mandy! Why are you up so late?!"
"Because of school. D:"

Yeah, I'm up doing various school things. I've got a bio test in about 7 hours that I think I'm totally UNprepared for, I have to finish an english essay for friday, another for 2 weeks after, and another for a week after that. I have a chemistry lab to do tomorrow, and I've got to be prepared. I've also got a math performance task to do on Monday, of which my notes are due today. Oh dear.

Anyways.
Chem and Math down.
Bio and Eng left to go.

I'm taking a break from brainstorming my english essay to write this blog entry. Actually, the way I've been going, it should be called "brain-drizzling." Or even "brain-misting." There isn't really anything in the way of getting things done, haha. On the other hand, you could say it's like "brain-exploding." I feel like I'm having the world's greatest debate (without rules, structure or restraint!) with myself on paper. I suppose that's what happens when you try to work this late... or early. Especially if you're me- I seem to lose the ability to form coherent thoughts after 9:30 every night.

By the time I'm finished with all of my work, it will most likely be the time I usually wake up at. Or, at the very most, an hour before. Is it really worth sleeping, even that little bit? I'm sure I'll just wake up and feel even worse. Which means an all-nighter for me. I haven't pulled one since... Last year, actually, haha. I haven't had the need to since then.

OKAY it's clear that I'm just rambling now. Let's try and find something good to write about.
...
I'm thinking
...
I'm thinking
...

Brain-blast! (Haha, Jimmy Neutron references.)

See me being purple and asian.

(Way cooler than being white and nerdy.)

Today was "Wear Purple to Commemorate The Suicides Caused by Homophobia" day. I wore a purple t-shirt, but felt that it wasn't enough... so I mixed up some red, blue and white paint and painted my entire face purple. It was a nice purple. Unfortunately, I happened to scare my mom that way... She promptly told me to wash it off. So I did. But I left a bit on, just to be that little rebel I've always been.

It's now 1:45a.m... I think I've wasted enough time. Gotta get back to the studies now!!
Or, rather... In the words of boy genius Jimmy Neutron himself, "Gotta jet!" (or was it "fly?")

Ehh... Let's just stick with

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I. NEED. COFFEE. D:

Hair today, Gone... about an hour ago.

"Hi. Today, I decided I'd take to the blades and turn them on myself... Mwahahaaaa..."

No seriously, I did. After about 3 months' drought, I finally cut my hair again. Yes, for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I cut my own hair. Why? Cuz I'm asian- it saves money. LOL okay no, I joke. I like doing my own hair. That's all. Anyways, my bangs were getting too long (even by my standards!) and I wanted to work on some layering so... After work today, I shut myself up in my bathroom for about an hour and started snipping away. How did it turn out? Ehh... I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Speaking of which, it's purple day tomorrow! Everyone make sure to wear purple.
Okay, no. I'm not going to force people to wear purple or try to rope them into it. I'm doing it because I want to. There are people out there who can't be heard. It's not that they don't have voices- they aren't completely helpless. They are strong individuals, like everyone else. But have you ever tried to hear one voice in a crowd of hundreds? Not easy. I want to lend them my voice, even if just for a day. Because they deserve it.

From my perspective, human beings always make the mistake of trying to add order to the chaos of regular life. We attempt to sort and categorize every thing, detail, happening and whatnot that we come upon. Why not just let someone be who they are without judging them? We don't fit neatly into preset categories- this is where the idea of "individuality" comes on- it just doesn't work that way. I mean... I do whatever I want whenever I want. I may feel like having vanilla ice cream one moment, and chocolate the next, but I'll probably end up getting myself a swirl cone. ...Or pho. Ahaha. What are you going to categorize me as? Crazy? Volatile? Insane? I may be part one of them, or one of them might be part me, but you can't say I'm completely them. If that made sense at all.

Anywho, I think it's way too late for me to be blogging. My brain's been on autopilot for about a month, which results in random throughts exploding out of the tips of my fingers, through the keyboard and onto the computer screen.  Hmm... "If you're open-minded, does that mean there's a risk of your brain spilling out of your head?"

Oh dear.
:)

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I'm still working on layering... Haven't got it perfect yet, but I think I'm getting better. :) Let me know what you think after you see me tomorrow? Haha.

Grab Your Helmets and Go!

"Hi. Today, I wore a helmet to Wind Ensemble rehearsal. Needless to say, I got plenty of weird looks."

However, I don't really have a problem with being weird. It's sort of fun, really.
Thank you Mavis, for the awesome helmet! (You can find her at The Onion.)
Not much time to write today... I'm thinking of going to sleep soon.
Just wanted to point out that I have a project playlist on my blog now. :)
What's a music-ecstasy blog without some music?

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Tonight, I could use a hug... More on this some other time, maybe.

Oh, the Brain-Wracking Fun

"Hi. Today, someone complained that my blog posts aren't like they used to be. So, here's one that'll make his day. Err... night. Maybe. I hope."

Yeah.

So.

I'm actually just sorta chilling in front of the computer right now, wracking my brain for something amusing to write about. I also analyzed my past blog posts. No, seriously. I did. I've got the proof- a bunch of scribbles on some rough paper. Personally, they don't seem that different to me, stylistically. Sure, my latest blogs have been on the depressing side. But underneath all that, it still sounds like me. (Let me know what you think on that!)

My day was, all in all, uneventful. I woke up, got showered, had breakfast, went for TYWO, came home, did... pretty much nothing, and yeah. Here I am.

Oh, how I love wasting time.

Anyways, I think it's too late for some crazy-story post. I'm actually too tired to pick at my brain any further for remnants of the wit that seems to leave me every night at 9:30p.m. For those of you who don't know, I seem to experience some sort of shut down at this time every night. It's the same as the way I automatically wake up at 5:30a.m in the morning. EVERY. morning. No wonder I don't get enough sleep... and it's very inconvenient during the weekends, summer, winter and spring break.

Speaking of which, I should probably get my lazy bum off of the computer now. Get to bed. Read a book. Do something productive.

...YEAH RIGHT!

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Feel honoured that I wrote this for you. I spent a good half an hour trying to write this. It's waaaay too late to write anything good, haha. :P

w.i.p another you

"Hi. Today, I remembered one day when I was really bored in English class... This is the child of boredom and myself."

Another You

Never say hi when I pass by in the hall
Check my phone, it's you who never calls.
Makes me think if it was worth it all
And I don't know who you are anymore.

You talk it up and then you laugh it off.
You just do whatever the hell you want.
Waiting for the moment when you fall
'Cuz I don't know who you are anymore.

Gave you my life, my soul, my everything
You took it away, didn't leave me with anything
But it didn't amount to nothing to you;
Can't believe I said I loved you.

Get back in the game, just because I know I can
I know that somewhere, I'll find a better man
And those three words still can be true
I just need a
one
two
another you.

You wrote me a ong and said I'd be your all
But you didnt mean it, did you, no
Hold me, have me, drop me when you want
Now I don't know who you are anymore.

Gave you my life, my soul, my everything
You took it away, didn't leave me with anything
But it didn't amount to nothing to you;
Can't believe I said I loved you.

Get back in the game, just because I know I can
I know that somewhere, I'll find a better man
And those three words still can be true
I just need a
one
two
another you.

You played me like a puppet on a string
Was never gonna see that diamond ring
All your promises metamorphosized
Was everything you said smoke and lies?

Get back in the game, just because I know I can.
I know that somewhere, I'll find a better man
And those three words still can be true
Can't believe that I was such a fool

Gave you my life, my soul, my everything
You took it away, didn't leave me with anything
But it didn't amount to nothing to you;
Can't believe I said I loved you.

Get back in the game, just because I know I can
I know that somewhere, I'll find a better man
And those three words still can be true
I just need a
I'm gonna find a
And I'll still love a
one
two
another you.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I should've written something called "Sparta" instead. Then, had I posted it up, I could've said "THIS. IS. 'SPARTAAAAAAAA'!" Well... Next class I'm bored in. :)

Writer's Block

"Hi. Today, oddly enough, I'm going to be writing about writer's block while I have writer's block. Ohhhh yeah."

Let's be frank: I haven't blogged in a while. I know, I know- Tsk tsk, bad girl, slap on the wrist. I said that I'd always find interesting things in my day to write about, and yes, there's always something interesting.

So why not blog?

In all honesty... I don't know.

I've been stuck in a rut. Things don't seem special enough to blog about, or it seems like I'm wasting digi-space by writing about the silly little ongoings of my life. Lately, I've been feeling really unaccomplished, like I should be doing something big and meaningful with my life right now, instead of squandering it away like I have been thus far in life. I've been trying to push myself to work more this year, to get under the skin of issues I've been eyeing only from a distance. As far as I can tell... It's not working.

Maybe I owe it to my personality. People have been remarking to me lately that I'm very chill about things. I don't seem to stress over homework assignments and tests, nor do I panic at the thought of university applications. The thing is, I do. Somewhere deep inside, I realize that I do worry about things, I do panic, and that I have some (okay no, a LOT) of insecurities, as much as I hate to admit it. But it never gets out. On it's way out of my insides, it gets cooled and frozen over so that, by the time it reaches surface level, I don't stress about it anymore. I still acknowledge it as something I need to do, or something I need to fix... It just doesn't seem so urgent anymore.

I think now would be a good time as any to state that I do have a passion for writing. Actually, no. I don't have a passion for writing. I enjoy the english language as a whole. I love to read, write, analyze, utilize and be (harhar) english. I view language as an art form, with english as my material and reading, writing, analysis and vocalization as my means. But, the same with any art form, how freely it is expressed can be affected by one's mood.

Looking back upon this past week, I've realized how unlike myself I've been. I'm not sure what's wrong, I just seem to be stuck in a bit of a funk. I feel like there's something I'm missing... Or is it just that there's something I'm craving? But if that something that I'm craving is the thing of which I'm thinking, then there's almost no possibility of my avidity becoming a reality.

Sigh.

At least I still have my way with words.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- What a flowchart of events this blog has been, lol. No, I don't know what I was trying to say. No, I'm not on any sort of substance. Haha. Maybe this blog post is akin to one of the responses you more often than not see in a contest- "Sorry, Try Again Next Time."

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Hi. Today is Thanksgiving. What have I to be thankful for?"

Taking a break from my english oral preparations, I've decided to blog about today. First, however, I'm going to post about my yesterday, as I promised a few people.

Anyways, I woke up, cleaned up the house, did some homework, went out, then had some people over. We played SSBB (I totally pwned. Admit it, guys.), had dinner, played... a short-lived game of monopoly, with some stella-ella-oh-la in between (is that how you spell it?) and then moved on to play Taboo... Which you guys also got pwned at. ;) Played some card games... haha. I won't mention them here... But it was fun. :)

Just hearing that doesn't make it seem like much fun, but I had a blast. I think that it wasn't what we did that defined how much fun we had, it was the company that we were in. Which brings me to my main point of today.

This weekend is a long weekend due to Thanksgiving. While I don't usually celebrate in the traditional way (having family over, listing that for which we are thankful), I do take some time to consider the things I have in life. Maybe it's due to the sentimentality of realizing that this is my last year in high school, but I've come to realize just how much the people I've come to call "my friends" matter to me.

"What is a friend?"

It's such a deceiving little question, that one. There is no simple answer to what a friend is. Just as every person on earth is unique, every friend is unique, too. Some friends are the ones you hang out with regularly. Some friends are the ones that you don't see often. You may have some friends who are good at making you laugh, and others who you can just talk to when you're down, and they'll listen. Some friends, you'll have for as long as you live. Some friends, unfortunately, may only stay as such for even as little as a year or two. But no matter how long a friend is your friend, or how far apart the two of you are now, you cannot change the fact that this person was, at some point in time, close enough to be called a friend, close enough to affect your life.

Since last Thanksgiving, I feel as though my own list of 'friends' has changed quite a lot. I've made a lot of new friends, and reconnected with old ones. Sad to say, I've also lost a friend, one whom I considered to be my greatest friend. But, while we may have parted for now, I can always hope that someday, our paths shall cross again.

People are ever-changing beings. We strive for change, to pull ourselves away from the dull norm of every-. By doing so, the relationships we have with other people also change. It is both exciting and frightening to realize this, and sometimes a little bit depressing.

But, as aforementioned, "change" cannot affect that which has already happened.

My friend, whoever, wherever or whenever you were, you were a part of my life. You brought my smiles and my laughter. You were my support and my comfort. In you, I found a home. Now, even though you are no more, I will continue on with a smile on my face. You changed first; It's my turn now. But, change as I might, I won't ever forget the things that you did for me, the lessons that you taught me, what you meant to me, nor the memories that you gave me.

My friend, I am thankful for you.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- As you once said... It's never truly goodbye. I'll always be hoping to find you once again... so ttyl. :)

Strength

"Hi. Today, I got sick. :)"

My mom got me and my sisters three keys- one key each. On each key was a word. For my older sister, "Wisdom." For my younger sister, "Hope."

And what was I stuck with?

"Strength."

At first, this was a no-brainer. I'd always been physically stronger than my siblings, and I had the illusion of being stronger mentally and emotionally as well. But now, I've got myself thinking about what real strength is.

Is it how much you can carry? Or how far your voice reaches? Is strength to deny all weakness, or is it to admit and accept them?

Of course, this question cannot go unaccompanied by the question of what weakness is. Is it weak, for example, to fall ill? Is it weak to show compassion for one in need?

Is it weak to fall?
Or is it strength to pick yourself back up?

Is it weak to cry?
Or is it strength to admit that you need to?

Is it weak to want the impossible?
Or is it strength to go after it anyways?

Is it weak to love hopelessly?
Or is it strength to continue on, even so?

A wise man once asked, "Is the unexamined life worth living?"
Unexamined.
Not unanswered.
And so,
I'll leave you with that thought for now.

Let me know what you think.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I hope I get better soon. I need my voice back!

That Guy

[Note: This is mainly me talking to myself. You probably won't get it.]

"Hi. Today has been an off day for me... It was too bleak, too grey; my mind was all fuzzy. I couldn't think clearly at all..."

My head's in a jumble. I think it has been for the past while, but it's particularly bad right now. I can't think straight, and I don't think I'm feeling anything right... I don't think I'm even making sense right now, haha. All I've been (attempting to, at least) thinking about lately is the predicatment I've gotten myself into (damn you for being so naive, Mandy.) I don't know what to do about it, or how to get myself out of it. It's like me and math; I know what I'm looking for, what will be the only answer for me, but I don't know how to get there, how to show my steps. (Yes, this is how I failed math. Boo.)

For the past 24 hours(ish) I've been trying to convince myself that what I want isn't actually what I want, and that I should just drop it, give it up. I tried to live like that for a day. Let's just say that I'm not all too happy right now, with myself or with the situation.
But there's just some things in life that you can't force. This would be one of them. So...  I shouldn't try to. I should just move on, find something else to occupy myself with, right?

"Oh, tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone, just wasting time
No Friday movie nights
Or romantic candle lights

I'm just having conversations
With the thoughts in my head
All I hear are angels crying
Oh, won't they just sing instead
It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Honestly, this won't do
How is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
But I know I'm such a fool

I could take it as a new beginning
But you know I don't feel that way
Who will take all this pain away?
I know it's wrong for me to say
I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Talk about a sin
Was the day I walked into the other side
I would run back in
I wouldn't waste no time
I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah"
(That Girl, by David Choi)

Who do I have to lie to for my life to get back in order?

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I can't keep lying to myself.

Dare You To Move

"Hi. Today, I didn't really do anything exciting... but I did manage to finally take a much-needed nap."

Naps are great for clearing your head. Prior to that, you've got all these thoughts buzzing around, kicking up mad storms of mental dust. I think I've finally been able to wrap my head around the things that people have been telling me these days. But before I get into that, I should finish what I started yesterday.

So... A friend and I had a talk yesterday, continuous throughout our Nuit Blanche episode. It started off as just "How are you doing these days?" but soon enough, we were talking about the decisions you make in life. We didn't get too far into it, but it set my mind spinning once I started thinking.

Security vs Freedom. With security, you have the comfort of knowing how things are, where things stand and what you have to do. However, you can't take any chances at what you might want, for fear of changing your happy, predictable life as it is. With freedom, you can choose to pursue what you want, and you can go at it with everything you have. The problem is that you can't predict the consequences. And who knows? Something may just go terribly wrong (as I've already found out.)

The decision to make now, that I seem to always have to make, is which road to take. On the one hand, I'm always being a risk-taker. I do things my way, and I go for whatever I want, regardless of the possible consequences. On the other hand... I don't know. It sort of feels like I should've learned my lesson by now- that it's not quite so easy to trust someone, that I should be cautious with everyone I meet, even if they aren't anything alike.

"Well..." I say to myself. "Let's think about this, aight?
"So far, you've been jumping headfirst into everything, and giving it all you've got. I know it sounds good in your head and all, but let's see where that's gotten you. It's left you with 2 back-stabbing jerks, a bunch of lost friends, and people who won't even look you in the eye. Sure, there's the occassional guy who remains your friend (and seriously, he's a great friend), but is it really worth the risk? Why would you do that to yourself?" (This continued for quite some time.)

After that hours-long lecture from myself, I still didn't have an answer for myself. But now I'm thinking... maybe it wouldn't be so bad to see where this goes all on its own.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love".
Quote Neil Gaiman

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- The only bad thing about that nap is that I don't wanna go to sleep now... Oops.

Nuit Blanche

"Hi. Today, I walked between two naked ladies. Awkward much?"

I haven't really got much time to write, since I should be going to sleep soon, but I feel like I've been neglecting my blog for the past few days. And I did promise that I would write often, so here's a short entry on my day today.

My internal alarm clock woke me up at 6. Usually, I wouldn't be too bothered about this; it's routine, after all. The thing is, I've been getting more and more exhausted every day. Between work, becmong ever-more sleep deprived, rehearsals, school work, and practicing, I barely have time to rest. It's all that I can do not to feel loaded down by the amount of stress I should feel. But that's a whole different story.
Anyways, I woke up at 6 (/groan) and found that I'd fallen asleep while texting some people... Whoops, sorry lol. Texted them all back (at 6. again, sorry, don't really think that early) and amazingly, I was able to fall asleep again. :)

Cut to 9:00am. Insert mother banging on door, yelling at you to get up and start on work. Follow that with pulling yourself out of bed, walking out the door (after walking into the door frame once) and then working for the next 4 hours. Then... went out for lunch, came home, showered and got prettied up (well... that's sorta impossible for me lol) and went out to meet a friend to meet some friends to go downtown... erghhh let's just say I went to Nuit Blanche with some friends, lol.

We saw some amazing art there. Not amazing as in like... "THE SECRETS OF LIFE HAVE BEEN REVEALED TO ME!" but amazing in the way the artist was able to express an idea. There were some pretty cool ongoing projects too... Gotta remember to visit in December to see the finished works. There was also a strange parade of even stranger people...

My absolute FAVOURITE exhibit was one that really tested human boundaries. It was set up like so:
There was a doorway that you had to pass through.
In the doorway, facing each other, were two naked women.
The only way through the doorway was to go in between them.
You can imagine how awkward it was.

Why was this my favourite? (for those of you about to answer as such, no it wasn't because there were naked women. seriously.)
It was because it wasn't a visual art. It tested human behaviour; how far we'd be willing to go just to get through the doorway; how easy it was to make someone feel uncomfortable. I don't know about the others that went through, but I got shivers down my back when I passed through the doorway.

So why did I do it?
Because, to me, this was a challenge. And I always rise to a challenge. :)

Anyways, all throughout the night, I was having... sort of an on-going conversation with a friend of mine. I think... some pretty deep stuff was discussed there...
...But that's for another time.
Because my head is starting to spin and it's getting harder and harder to piece together words to form coherent thoughts. xD
I do hope that made sense.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- It was awkward, yes, but... what a thrill to feel an emotion after so long.

Stage Fright

"Hi. Today, I got a picture of a dinosaur. It was the best dinosaur I'd ever received. Thanks, baby!"

I don't look before I leap. It's as simple as that. If there's a risk to take, a challenge to rise to, I'll do it without hesitation.

Usually.

Right now, it feels as though I'm in the middle of a huge debate with myself. Should I just go for what I want, even though I know what might end up happening? Or do I pass up the opportunity and miss out on what could be?

Even though this debate is still undecided, I somehow know that in the end, I'll just go for it. If I don't, who knows what I'll miss out on. But I still feel a bit uneasy... It's the feeling I get every time I step onto a stage. My heart races and I feel both excited and queasy at the same time. I want to perform, but I'm scared of messing up. And, just like with this debate, I end up performing in the end anyways.

I just realized how confusing that last paragraph was.

Anyways, I'm going to stop now before I get someone mad at me for writing this confusing load of sh...tuff.

I'm just gonna close my eyes, take a breath, and go for it.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I STILL HAVE THE DINOSAUR. :D Although, it sorta sucks because my baby doesn't even know this blog exists and therefore can't read any of this. Whoooops...

Static-Free

"Hi. Today, I am confused. Really confused."

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. If that's true, how about a song?

There are times when things can't be placed into words, nor should they be limited as such. Some things were just meant to be felt, meant to be revelled.
I wasn't able to say what it was that I felt... But words aren't how I normally communicate anyways. I just hope you're on the receiving end of my message. :)

Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson
I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the brush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what’s next
Make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water, if i could tell you what’s next,
make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on - HOLD
Singing shalala la
Singing shalala lala
Ooooooo
Ooooooo
Oooooooooooooooo

Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

(come on get higher, loosen my lips)It's all wrong
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips)It's all wrong
(just to pull me down hard and drown me in love)It's all right

So, come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I hope I've said the right thing. xD If not then... well... I'm gonna go hide under a rock, lol.

Shout Outs and Deceptions

"Hi. Today, a friend told me to mention him in a post, so this one's for him: YOU'RE A SOFTIE, AMIN SHARIFI. (who you can find at http://aminsh72.blogspot.com/)"

Anyhow, I'm currently waiting for a new program to install itself onto my computer, so I decided it was time to blog. And jeez, this thing is taking it's sweet time. But that's okay... I'll win in the end... Bahaha.

I mentioned in my last post that I'd had an epiphany about the past two years (okay, closer to one and a half years) of my life and that it was a waste. I believe that I said that out of pure anger (yes, even I am susceptible to bouts of anger) and that it was a good idea for me to cool off before posting about it again. Otherwise, I would've just ranted. :)

All I'm going to say now is that, no matter where you go, what you do, or who you meet, you're always yourself- you, only you, and completely you.

I've always been the sort of girl to be independant. I didn't need someone to lean on, nor did I want to. In my eyes, it was weakness to need something or someone, because it can always disappear; the only one you can truly depend on in this world is yourself. And now, although I'd strayed from my belief shortly, I believe that once again. The world is a confusing place; people come and go. People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. It isn't something that can be helped.

Yet in the middle of all this unsteadiness, I'll still stand on my own. Because I am me, even without you. However many "you"'s there may be. (Hope that made sense.)

Those three words will still stand true
There's just gonna have to be another you.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Amin, don't even try to argue. You so are a softie. btw, I would've thought the goodbye/ttyl thing was self-explanatory; guess not. The thing is that you never really say goodbye to anyone- you're just saying ttyl.

RMC '10 and Deception

"Hi, I got back from music camp today and realized that I wasted the last (almost) 2 years of my life."

Isn't it funny how things can hit you in a single second? Hold that thought; I'll expand on that later. Right now, I gotta write about  music camp before I forget it all. :)

REGIONAL MUSIC CAMP 2010:
was amazing. :)

Day 1:
4:30 a.m.
I woke up at around this time to finish all my last minute packing and to shower. It was a pretty bad mistake... because it was way too early. Oh well.

8:00 a.m.
Finally left the house and got to school. From there on, all chaos ensued. It was time to tag all the luggage and instruments, bring them outside and load them onto the truck. The loading process took a few hours (and was interrupted by a fire drill) and it made my arms hurt. (nts: weights!)

1:00 p.m.
Finished bumming around for a few hours and finishing things up before we left on the bus. Well actually, we left the school parking lot at about 1:30. Long delay. Bus ride was noisy... but we all got there. :)

FROM THEN ON (because I don't remember times.)
We (Joey and I) met our cabin-mates. They were a crazy bunch... and still are, lol. But that's okay, they're cool. Anyways, we unpacked, got a tour of the place, played some games, had dinner and a rehearsal and then crazy olympics. Our cabin's name this year was "Back of the Bus." And yes, I still remember the cheer, lol. Here, I shall write it down. :)

"Everywhere we go
People wanna know
Who we are
So we tell them
We are the Back of the Bus
Mighty mighty Back of the Bus
If you can't hear us
We'll try a little louder.
We are the Back of the Bus!"

ANYWAYS we ended up getting second in the crazy olympics. Not too bad, hmm? :)
Then curfew hit for the little ones and us seniors headed to the staff lounge. There was a piano there, so we messed around on it until midnight... This was where our idea for our later performance came. We all went back to our cabins then and fell asleep soon. (Unless you're me- then you were up for hours before finally falling asleep around 2:30-ish.)

Day 2 (this is gonna be a long post, isn't it?)
I'm gonna try and shorten this. Pretty much, I woke up at 4:00, had a freezing cold shower, had breakfast, had rehearsals, sectionals, lunch, master classes, rehearsal, free time (in which I practiced my butt off for a bet), dinner, cabin time, Shuffle Demons, bonfire.
So the bet was made by my master class teacher, Adam. He gave us this snare piece and told us that if we could sightread it right there right then, he'd give us $100. None of us could do it though, so he told me that if I could play it perfectly the next day, he'd give me $50.
Shuffle Demons were amazing- they're a wicked jazz group with a lot of energy. Moments I'll remember include "What do you want?" and "Cheese on bread." Hahaaaa. Afterwards, we headed to the Spectrum for a bonfire and some basketball. I got hit in the head... twice... lol. There was a lot of nostalgia in the air that night. I started remembering what grade 9 had been like, how simple it all was. How we've changed.
Curfew for the kids, staff lounge for us. We played some card games before heading to patrol... it was cold, haha. But it was also fun just hanging out with everyone.

Day 3
Woke up at 5:00 this time... routine was pretty much the same. Breakfast, rehearsal, sectionals, lunch, master classes, rehearsal, free time, dinner, cabin time, skit presentations, evening program. I tried to play the snare piece... But couldn't do it, haha. That's okay, at least I gave it a shot. Our skit was this paper-bag-6-slips-of-information thing. We all got a bag with 6 items- 2 props, 4 informations. Ours were as follows: Kesha (character), 50 seconds (time limit), horror (genre), sunset (setting), a bull hat and a little mermaid pin (props.) It was... one heck of an interesting skit. After that, us mentors performed our "four-chord song." It was pretty much a medley of songs based around four chords... (with one exception.) I'm hoping to get a video of this up soon. It was pretty epic, considering we only worked on it during the small amounts of free time we were given that day.
Evening program that night was a dance. By the end of it, it was reaaaaally tired... But it was fun. Dancing just sort of lets me forget all the stuff going on and I can let loose. I didn't want it to stop.
However, it did. That night, all of us mentors decided to patrol together (LOL you can't have "patrolling" without the "trolling"!) and it was FREEZING. We all ran back inside, haha. Then played a card game that Adam taught us till 12... I won with 82 points. :)
Since that night was freezing, I decided to sleep with Joey. We made a sort of... sleeping bag sandwich. It was a lot warmer- I could actually feel all of my fingers. :)

Day 4
Woke up at 6:00 (Ahh, I'm sleeping more. lol) and packed up everything pretty early. Then breakfast, cabin clean-up, BROOMING COLIN (already up on facebook somewhere!), final rehearsal and then the concert.

It's sad that, thinking back, this will be the last RMC that I'll attend as a student. There were a lot of good times... I don't want the bonds that we all have to unravel. If the time comes when that happens, will I have the strength to accept it gracefully? As I am right now, I doubt it.

Anyways, this was a plenty long post. I'll add it a bit about the whole "2 years going to waste" thing later on, in a different post.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- The first thing I did when I got back from camp was take a really long hot bath. It was like HEAVENNN. :)

Rocketman!

"Hi. Today, I ran down my street singing "Rocketman" at 10 pm."

Instead of doing my (optional) advanced homework like a good asian girl tonight, I've decided to waste my time blogging.

Although it doesn't happen much, there are times where I'll have a thought or two (yes, a real thought!) that I'd like to share with the few other people who'd bother to receive it. This is one of those times.

Recently in English class, we've been reading a lot of essays lately. Some of them have been poorly written, but equally some have been written quite well. One that struck a chord in me was an essay called "T.V Tunnel." This essay spoke of idealism, or, rather, the lack of, in today's society. The author stated that human beings will often shy away from topics of real importance for fear of the possibility that embarrassment will follow our answers. We, as humans, crave security. We do not answer questions such as "What is the point?" or "Why am I doing this?" because it forces us to think, dispels us from the illusion of our "comfort zone." So we stick to our conformity, our pact that we won't disrupt the blind eye turning, and in doing so bring about the death of passion, dreams and idealism.

Does this not bother anyone?

One quote in the essay was from J.D Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye." The quote was about the difference between an immature man and a mature man. To Salinger, the immature man was the one who would die for an idea; the mature one was the one who lived humbly in the background. The author, whose name escapes me for the moment, disagreed with Salinger; I, in turn, agreed with the author. There is nothing noble about living like a wall and hiding from knowledge. And there is nothing immature about following an idea.

After some analyzation of the essay, my english teacher said one thing that pushed me to write this blog. I don't remember his exact words, but he told us "Isn't this essay pretty much a written challenge from the author to us, as his readers, to prove him wrong?"

This got me thinking about who I am. Am I the type of person to hide from a question because I'm scared of it? Do I follow the conformities set by people around me, or do I follow my own ideals? Looking back, I've been pretty headstrong; I do what I want, and I do it whenever I want to. I think of my own ways to do things and, let's face it, if you know me at all, you'll know that my comfort zone is what is considered "uncomfortable" by most people. But I also love a challenge- I can never resist one. Which is why I think that it's time I did more, time I took more action for the things I believe in. Even if no one else believes in them.

So here's (the first part of) my challenge to you: try to look at your life from the outside in. Are you really your own unique self? What are your ideals? Your dreams? Your passions? Why do you do the things you do? Are you really following a path that you choose, or are you stuck in a rut that's been carved for you? Question yourself.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Someone threw a shoe out their window at me to get me to shut up. Haha.

Garbage Can Adventures

"Hi. Today, I was picked up and thrown in a garbage can by a meanie. :("

No, seriously, I was. Hmphhh. (It was also noted that I actually do say "hmph" in real life.) But he won't be doing it again! Because I won't let him. I'm a tough cookie. :D (okay, sort of.)

There isn't really much to write about today... Except that I've been feeling more like myself than ever. I'm not sure what brought this along, but I've been feeling really really great lately. I'm even jumping up and down in rehearsals again... something which a lot of people probably laugh at me for, haha. I guess it just goes to prove that you don't need anyone else to be yourself.

Of course, it could also be because of the new people I've recently started talking to. And I don't mean just a "Hi" when passing by in the hallways. I actually talk to them now. Even if they didn't mean to help me with it, I'd like to thank those people for setting me straight again. I won't actually do it in person, though. That's totally unbecoming of me. :)

Anyways, I'd better get my lazy bum off of blogspot and get to doing my homework. And maybe get to sleep before 5 today? We'll see. :)

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- NEVER AGAIN. :D you'll see. lol

Falling like a Phone Pole

"Hi. Today, I watched a pick-up truck do a U-turn...
...straight into a telephone pole."

I also had my TYWO audition today. With that, it feels as though my year has officially begun- from here on in, it's gonna be chaos. If I make it, that is. Between classes, practice, rehearsals, jobs and homework, I wonder if I'll have time to sleep, haha.

After my audition, I started my book search. I'm looking for Moonlight on the Avenue of Faith and Jitterbug Perfume. I'm supposed to be reading one of them for my English ISU, but in actuality, I'm interested in reading both of them just for the fun of it. I only found the Robbins though, which I could've found in a nearby library. The Nahai is a little bit more evasive... But I'm tracking it down. :) I should have it in my possession by the end of tomorrow.

Anyhow, here's what cppye stands for: Chimes Pirate Punk YE. I'll be genuinely shocked if anyone (other than the ones who came up with it) understand what it means, haha. Here's a small break down:

Chimes - an instrument I play. Included in the name because of Ticheli's Crystal Moon- there's a one note chimes solo in it.

Pirate - In the eternal battle of ninjas versus pirates, I'm more on the pirate side.

Punk - A bit of a pet-name for me... Haha. :)

YE - "YEHHHH." Need I say more?

So... that's that. "ChimesPiratePunkYe" was a name I once used somewhere too. Any guesses where?

Goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S.- The pick-up truck ended up making the phone pole fall over, suspended by the wires. It was pretty awesome- ever seen a telephone pole dangling above a pick-up truck? Before now, me neither.

Flying Couches and so on.

"Hi. I've started this blog today in order to announce to the world that I have thrown a couch off of my grandparents' balcony."

At the suggestion of a friend, I've decided to start a blog. I'm not really good at the whole blogging thing because... well, I never really get into it. I can't seem to get serious enough to stay committed to posting the day's going-ons and what-nots on a regular basis. However, for this friend, I'll at least try to find something interesting to write about daily.

To start off, I'm gonna steal a line or two from a certain commercial...
"Look at the name of the blog. Now look at the web url. Now look at the name of the blog. Now look at the web url."

They aren't the same, are they?

As some of you may know, "Music Ecstasy" is my e-mail address, my youtube account; my ID for several other online spots. So it isn't uncommon for it to be the name of the blog. But "cppye"? Not too many people know about that.

Give me a day or two to think of a way of explaining it that is worthy of such content. (Okay, it's not actually that special; I just don't know how to explain it yet.) Try to guess what it means- I'll get back to it in a day or two.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

BTW, I really did throw a couch off of my grandparents' balcony today.