Ever have those moments when you're about to do something really important to yourself? When that happens to me, I end up holding my breath. Okay, not always. But there's a feeling of my chest being squeezed, and I just feel anxious and nervous.
I'm in the middle of an attempt to fix a friendship. In my last post, I mentioned how I hate to lose friends... Which is why I never really give up on trying to save friendships, even ones that I should know are already lost.
It's... hard to describe. The feeling of an invisible pressure on your chest, restricting your breathing, stabbing and scarring not only your heart, but your mind, spirit and soul. They say that time heals everything... But the pain only becomes bearable; it never really disappears. Instead of becoming yourself as you previously were, you march through life, the dull pain beating at you with every pained breath you take.
My dad used to say to me (and he still does!) that a family member is like a limb. Severing ties to them is like losing a limb; flesh of your own flesh, blood of your own blood. No matter how you heal, you'll still be missing a part of you; you'll still bear both the physical, mental and emotional scars. You'll remember the pain.
In a way, friends are sort of the same. You share a part of your life with them; your time, your laughter, your sadness, your anger, your trust, your passions, your secrets, your love. Doesn't that mean that losing a friend is like losing a part of your life?
I feel like I'm drowning without the mercy of death.
I'm not sure how much longer I'll last.
ttyl. :)
P.S- It was all for Java Jive and Pie! Which is on THURSDAY! Time to panic! Haha.
Bearable pain is a lesson learnt. We can never truly remain one person despite our best intentions since everything will have an influence on our lives and souls. Embrace the pain and it will lift. It will leave a scar, but the disfigurement can only brand you as much as you grant it allowance to.
ReplyDeleteLosing a friend is like losing a part of your life, but that simulataneously means that that friend can never be lost. What has been shared with them will never fade, just as memories are never truly gone - only buried beneath the trials of life. Don't be distressed over this friendship - you're doing all you can and ultimately, they can never forget you or the ties you've drawn together.
And depending on your beliefs, there is no mercy in death, only a continuation of life. You'll find no peace in death until you come to terms with life. Yet, don't fret about drowning in life either - it's being waterless guarantees the air to breathe. Air permeates everywhere; eventually you'll find the air your breath can find refuge in.