Sad Lives and Secret Missions

"Hi. Today, I painted the library... While moving furniture, the book shelf fell on me. Haha, whoops."

It's been a while since I've posted anything decent. Life been sort of... horrible for the past while.

I think that's all I meant to say, actually. Just checking in to state that I'm still around and just not posting because I don't feel like it.

Don't worry, I'll probably be able to pull something up in a while. (Especially in a week...)

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- IT. HAS. BEGUN!

Shawty's Just a Lying Explosive Teenage DJ on Replay

Shawty's Just a Lying Explosive Teenage DJ on Replay

Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay

 

Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay

 

Let me tell you bout a girl who's changed my world

I don't know just how she's doing that,

just in my mind, she's taking my time,

i was losing my way but now she's bringing me back

 

Let me tell you bout a girl who changed my life

she's a triple threat and she's just my type

voice of a goddess, can dance to this flow

she be turning heads everywhere that she goes

 

she's my ipod, i got her on replay

love the way she lies and she's making me wanna say

the dj got us falling in love

we're like dynamite, and I just can't get enough

 

what goes up must come down

now baby, you're not around

i'm laying alone in the middle of the night

 

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

 

I came to dance-dance-dance-dance
I hit the floor cause that's my plans plans plans plans
I'm wearing all my favorite brands brands brands brands
Give me some space for both my hands hands hands hands.
Yeah, yeah.

Cause it goes on and on and on.
And it goes on and on and on.

 

Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
So dance, dance, like it's the last, last night of your life, life
Gonna get you right
Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up
and now they’re gone and you wish you could give them everything 

 

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up
and now they’re gone and you wish you could give them everything 

 

cuz 

You make me

Feel like I’m living a

Teenage dream

The way you turn me on

I can’t sleep

Let’s run away and don’t ever look back,

Don’t ever look back

My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one touch

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance and don’t ever look back,

Don’t ever look back.

 

I was thinking about her
Thinking about me
Thinking about us
Who we gonna be
Open my eyes
It was only just a dream

So I travel back

Down that road

Will she come back?
No one ones.

I realize

It was only just a dream

 

Boy, I'll get your heart racing

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

 

See the way you look at me

Come Java Jive with me

Be my teenage dream tonight.

 

Tonight.

-Mandy Thai and Huyee Chan, Java Jive and Pie 2010.

Breathing Underwater

"Hi. Today, I spent $43.77 on plates, cups, forks, gloves, ice cream and whipped cream. Oh dear."

Ever have those moments when you're about to do something really important to yourself? When that happens to me, I end up holding my breath. Okay, not always. But there's a feeling of my chest being squeezed, and I just feel anxious and nervous.

I'm in the middle of an attempt to fix a friendship. In my last post, I mentioned how I hate to lose friends... Which is why I never really give up on trying to save friendships, even ones that I should know are already lost.

It's... hard to describe. The feeling of an invisible pressure on your chest, restricting your breathing, stabbing and scarring not only your heart, but your mind, spirit and soul. They say that time heals everything... But the pain only becomes bearable; it never really disappears. Instead of becoming yourself as you previously were, you march through life, the dull pain beating at you with every pained breath you take.

My dad used to say to me (and he still does!) that a family member is like a limb. Severing ties to them is like losing a limb; flesh of your own flesh, blood of your own blood. No matter how you heal, you'll still be missing a part of you; you'll still bear both the physical, mental and emotional scars. You'll remember the pain.

In a way, friends are sort of the same. You share a part of your life with them; your time, your laughter, your sadness, your anger, your trust, your passions, your secrets, your love. Doesn't that mean that losing a friend is like losing a part of your life?

I feel like I'm drowning without the mercy of death.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll last.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- It was all for Java Jive and Pie! Which is on THURSDAY! Time to panic! Haha.

how to save a life?

"Hi. Today, I'm finally blogging again!"

HELLO AGAIN. It is actually amazing that I'm writing again. That one-week hiatus thing was really hard for me to do... Every time something happened, I had the urge to blog about it.
Let's see... what's happened in the past week:
-I failed about 12435283u238 tests (yes, the u included.)
-Bayview's 50th Anniversary
-TYWO concert!
-Made a friend angry (I don't even know if that friend still is a friend... /sadface.)

I think I'll write briefly about the 50th Anniversary and the TYWO concert, but the main portion of this blog will probably be about the last topic there...  Yeah, I'm skipipng over academics completely. Shows just how important grades are to me. Haha.

Bayview's 50th Annviersary. I was at the school by 10, helping to set up sound and for the band. It was up to me and two others to get everything set up- sound, projector, moving all 100-some chairs up from the music room into the gym, moving percussion equipment into the gym (without carving trenches in the gym floor!), lighting, setting up chairs, etc. It went pretty smoothly though... Our performances were okay, I suppose, being our first concert of the year. (Our second is coming up today, actually!) I did happen to see a man who looked like my elementary school music teacher, although I didn't have a chance to question him. I would have liked to talk to him though; I owe that teacher a lot. After all, it was he who started my interest in music.

TYWO Concert. After Bayview's Anniversary (or rather, in the middle of it) I had to leave for a TYWO dress rehearsal. Oh jeez, that was an amazing concert. Percussion ensemble, White Rose percussion soli, Joe's Last Mix, The Big Apple, Grand Central Station (GRRRR.) It was like riding a speeding train with no brakes- scary, fast, exhilerating and full of thrills. Playing amazing music with amazing musicians call for an amazing concert... I won't be forgetting that one any time soon.

I recently made a friend mad at me... And now it seems that he won't talk to me, or just doesn't want to. I'm not really sure what to do...
In the past, I've found that I'm asked this question many times: "What is your greatest fear?"
My childish self, not knowing what to answer, replied something along the lines of spiders, ghosts, the dark, my sister Yvonne, etc, etc. Now though, I know better. It's not an easy fear to have, and I find that it often prevents me from trusting people.
My greatest fear is the fear of losing a friend.
When it happens, you lose someone with whom you've shared a part of yourself. A friend is part of your life, your comfort, your happiness, someone who understands you and knows your secrets (some, if not all.) I find that recently, because of my fear, I haven't allowed myself to get too close to people- with one exception. And now, it seems like that only exception will disappear, along with all other past friends. This leads into a cycle that doesn't have a happy ending...
When I'm upset, I find that I don't turn to anyone in particular; I never share my worries or troubles with friends or family. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't seem to trust anyone with the things I keep in my mind and heart. So, I turn to music. Many a night have I signed off of the computer only to shut myself in the study and play piano for hours on end. It's an escape for me, for my emotions, and for my thoughts. The one way for my opinions to be voiced and heard safely... from me, by me.
All this sort of makes me feel like there isn't anyone I can talk to, and there certainly isn't anyone that I can depend on or trust.
All the same... I still value my friends.
Maybe if I were more distant, I wouldn't upset them, wouldn't hurt them... And then they, in turn, wouldn't be able to hurt me.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- it's good to be back. blogging's another way to release all this tension... except people can read these entries D: oh well.
where did I go wrong, I lost a friend...

Quality vs. Quantity?

"Hi. Today, I had a nervous breakdown, then went crazy happy. I think I'm just cool like that. (y) yeyehh."

THIS IS
going to be a very
[short]
blog entry
...
...
...
cuz I need to get to sleep. :)

Anyhow, I was talking to a friend earlier tonight (this morning? last night?) and I mentioned that he blogged very little, compared to how often I blog. He mentioned something about quality vs. quantity... I'm not quite sure what. My brain is scattered at this time of morning (night?) SO yes. I'm going to refrain from blogging for about a week. Just to see.
Will a decrease in quantity prove an increase in quality? (inverse relations~ oh dear, math.)

This was a
VERY
[short]
blog entry.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Refraining from blogging will actually be very difficult for me; Blogging has grown on me, as surprising as that is. I guess I just like writing manipulating words  ranting undergoing literary explosions. :)

I'm blue [dabadee dabadie]

"Hi. Today... doesn't feel so great."

Every so often, I fall into one of my more depressive states. I say more depressive states because I seem to always have at least one little thing that brings me down in my pocket, a tiny shadow hanging over my neck. The problem is that I have no clue what exactly is causing this mood.

There's just so many things
tearing up my heart
rocking my brain, i'm going insane again and again, can't keep going this way,
and baby, you're making me scream.

stop what you're doing to me.
you were too busy to believe in all the runaway dreams I was dreaming.
And now I gotta be
puttin on my shades to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumping in my ride and heading out tonight
on the dance floor,
got me singing la la la la la lah
cuz it goes on and on and on...
and it goes on and on and on...

gotta let go.
Your voice when you sleep next to me.
Your touch in my dreams.
I don't wanna miss a single thing you do
Cuz baby, tonight
The dj's got us falling in love again.
I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins,
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break,
so we're breaking free.
We're soaring,
flying.

I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.
Need to blow that crazy flame away.
Somebody call 911.
cuz baby, baby, baby,

ohhh
I could really use a wish right now.
There's nothing a hundred men or more could ever do.
You can make me suffer, do whatever, cuz I know you're one of a kind.
And I know it makes no sense since you walked out the door,
but it's the only way I hear your voice anymore.
No more walking around with my head down
I'm
blue,
dabadee dabadie.

goodbye.
ttyl. :)

P.S- Yeah... Pretty much my life summed up in a game of shuffle WMAp. Props to whoever can name all the songs. :)