That Guy

[Note: This is mainly me talking to myself. You probably won't get it.]

"Hi. Today has been an off day for me... It was too bleak, too grey; my mind was all fuzzy. I couldn't think clearly at all..."

My head's in a jumble. I think it has been for the past while, but it's particularly bad right now. I can't think straight, and I don't think I'm feeling anything right... I don't think I'm even making sense right now, haha. All I've been (attempting to, at least) thinking about lately is the predicatment I've gotten myself into (damn you for being so naive, Mandy.) I don't know what to do about it, or how to get myself out of it. It's like me and math; I know what I'm looking for, what will be the only answer for me, but I don't know how to get there, how to show my steps. (Yes, this is how I failed math. Boo.)

For the past 24 hours(ish) I've been trying to convince myself that what I want isn't actually what I want, and that I should just drop it, give it up. I tried to live like that for a day. Let's just say that I'm not all too happy right now, with myself or with the situation.
But there's just some things in life that you can't force. This would be one of them. So...  I shouldn't try to. I should just move on, find something else to occupy myself with, right?

"Oh, tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone, just wasting time
No Friday movie nights
Or romantic candle lights

I'm just having conversations
With the thoughts in my head
All I hear are angels crying
Oh, won't they just sing instead
It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Honestly, this won't do
How is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
But I know I'm such a fool

I could take it as a new beginning
But you know I don't feel that way
Who will take all this pain away?
I know it's wrong for me to say
I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Talk about a sin
Was the day I walked into the other side
I would run back in
I wouldn't waste no time
I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah"
(That Girl, by David Choi)

Who do I have to lie to for my life to get back in order?

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I can't keep lying to myself.