Stage Fright

"Hi. Today, I got a picture of a dinosaur. It was the best dinosaur I'd ever received. Thanks, baby!"

I don't look before I leap. It's as simple as that. If there's a risk to take, a challenge to rise to, I'll do it without hesitation.

Usually.

Right now, it feels as though I'm in the middle of a huge debate with myself. Should I just go for what I want, even though I know what might end up happening? Or do I pass up the opportunity and miss out on what could be?

Even though this debate is still undecided, I somehow know that in the end, I'll just go for it. If I don't, who knows what I'll miss out on. But I still feel a bit uneasy... It's the feeling I get every time I step onto a stage. My heart races and I feel both excited and queasy at the same time. I want to perform, but I'm scared of messing up. And, just like with this debate, I end up performing in the end anyways.

I just realized how confusing that last paragraph was.

Anyways, I'm going to stop now before I get someone mad at me for writing this confusing load of sh...tuff.

I'm just gonna close my eyes, take a breath, and go for it.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I STILL HAVE THE DINOSAUR. :D Although, it sorta sucks because my baby doesn't even know this blog exists and therefore can't read any of this. Whoooops...

Static-Free

"Hi. Today, I am confused. Really confused."

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. If that's true, how about a song?

There are times when things can't be placed into words, nor should they be limited as such. Some things were just meant to be felt, meant to be revelled.
I wasn't able to say what it was that I felt... But words aren't how I normally communicate anyways. I just hope you're on the receiving end of my message. :)

Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson
I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the brush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what’s next
Make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water, if i could tell you what’s next,
make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on - HOLD
Singing shalala la
Singing shalala lala
Ooooooo
Ooooooo
Oooooooooooooooo

Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

(come on get higher, loosen my lips)It's all wrong
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips)It's all wrong
(just to pull me down hard and drown me in love)It's all right

So, come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- I hope I've said the right thing. xD If not then... well... I'm gonna go hide under a rock, lol.

Shout Outs and Deceptions

"Hi. Today, a friend told me to mention him in a post, so this one's for him: YOU'RE A SOFTIE, AMIN SHARIFI. (who you can find at http://aminsh72.blogspot.com/)"

Anyhow, I'm currently waiting for a new program to install itself onto my computer, so I decided it was time to blog. And jeez, this thing is taking it's sweet time. But that's okay... I'll win in the end... Bahaha.

I mentioned in my last post that I'd had an epiphany about the past two years (okay, closer to one and a half years) of my life and that it was a waste. I believe that I said that out of pure anger (yes, even I am susceptible to bouts of anger) and that it was a good idea for me to cool off before posting about it again. Otherwise, I would've just ranted. :)

All I'm going to say now is that, no matter where you go, what you do, or who you meet, you're always yourself- you, only you, and completely you.

I've always been the sort of girl to be independant. I didn't need someone to lean on, nor did I want to. In my eyes, it was weakness to need something or someone, because it can always disappear; the only one you can truly depend on in this world is yourself. And now, although I'd strayed from my belief shortly, I believe that once again. The world is a confusing place; people come and go. People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. It isn't something that can be helped.

Yet in the middle of all this unsteadiness, I'll still stand on my own. Because I am me, even without you. However many "you"'s there may be. (Hope that made sense.)

Those three words will still stand true
There's just gonna have to be another you.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Amin, don't even try to argue. You so are a softie. btw, I would've thought the goodbye/ttyl thing was self-explanatory; guess not. The thing is that you never really say goodbye to anyone- you're just saying ttyl.

RMC '10 and Deception

"Hi, I got back from music camp today and realized that I wasted the last (almost) 2 years of my life."

Isn't it funny how things can hit you in a single second? Hold that thought; I'll expand on that later. Right now, I gotta write about  music camp before I forget it all. :)

REGIONAL MUSIC CAMP 2010:
was amazing. :)

Day 1:
4:30 a.m.
I woke up at around this time to finish all my last minute packing and to shower. It was a pretty bad mistake... because it was way too early. Oh well.

8:00 a.m.
Finally left the house and got to school. From there on, all chaos ensued. It was time to tag all the luggage and instruments, bring them outside and load them onto the truck. The loading process took a few hours (and was interrupted by a fire drill) and it made my arms hurt. (nts: weights!)

1:00 p.m.
Finished bumming around for a few hours and finishing things up before we left on the bus. Well actually, we left the school parking lot at about 1:30. Long delay. Bus ride was noisy... but we all got there. :)

FROM THEN ON (because I don't remember times.)
We (Joey and I) met our cabin-mates. They were a crazy bunch... and still are, lol. But that's okay, they're cool. Anyways, we unpacked, got a tour of the place, played some games, had dinner and a rehearsal and then crazy olympics. Our cabin's name this year was "Back of the Bus." And yes, I still remember the cheer, lol. Here, I shall write it down. :)

"Everywhere we go
People wanna know
Who we are
So we tell them
We are the Back of the Bus
Mighty mighty Back of the Bus
If you can't hear us
We'll try a little louder.
We are the Back of the Bus!"

ANYWAYS we ended up getting second in the crazy olympics. Not too bad, hmm? :)
Then curfew hit for the little ones and us seniors headed to the staff lounge. There was a piano there, so we messed around on it until midnight... This was where our idea for our later performance came. We all went back to our cabins then and fell asleep soon. (Unless you're me- then you were up for hours before finally falling asleep around 2:30-ish.)

Day 2 (this is gonna be a long post, isn't it?)
I'm gonna try and shorten this. Pretty much, I woke up at 4:00, had a freezing cold shower, had breakfast, had rehearsals, sectionals, lunch, master classes, rehearsal, free time (in which I practiced my butt off for a bet), dinner, cabin time, Shuffle Demons, bonfire.
So the bet was made by my master class teacher, Adam. He gave us this snare piece and told us that if we could sightread it right there right then, he'd give us $100. None of us could do it though, so he told me that if I could play it perfectly the next day, he'd give me $50.
Shuffle Demons were amazing- they're a wicked jazz group with a lot of energy. Moments I'll remember include "What do you want?" and "Cheese on bread." Hahaaaa. Afterwards, we headed to the Spectrum for a bonfire and some basketball. I got hit in the head... twice... lol. There was a lot of nostalgia in the air that night. I started remembering what grade 9 had been like, how simple it all was. How we've changed.
Curfew for the kids, staff lounge for us. We played some card games before heading to patrol... it was cold, haha. But it was also fun just hanging out with everyone.

Day 3
Woke up at 5:00 this time... routine was pretty much the same. Breakfast, rehearsal, sectionals, lunch, master classes, rehearsal, free time, dinner, cabin time, skit presentations, evening program. I tried to play the snare piece... But couldn't do it, haha. That's okay, at least I gave it a shot. Our skit was this paper-bag-6-slips-of-information thing. We all got a bag with 6 items- 2 props, 4 informations. Ours were as follows: Kesha (character), 50 seconds (time limit), horror (genre), sunset (setting), a bull hat and a little mermaid pin (props.) It was... one heck of an interesting skit. After that, us mentors performed our "four-chord song." It was pretty much a medley of songs based around four chords... (with one exception.) I'm hoping to get a video of this up soon. It was pretty epic, considering we only worked on it during the small amounts of free time we were given that day.
Evening program that night was a dance. By the end of it, it was reaaaaally tired... But it was fun. Dancing just sort of lets me forget all the stuff going on and I can let loose. I didn't want it to stop.
However, it did. That night, all of us mentors decided to patrol together (LOL you can't have "patrolling" without the "trolling"!) and it was FREEZING. We all ran back inside, haha. Then played a card game that Adam taught us till 12... I won with 82 points. :)
Since that night was freezing, I decided to sleep with Joey. We made a sort of... sleeping bag sandwich. It was a lot warmer- I could actually feel all of my fingers. :)

Day 4
Woke up at 6:00 (Ahh, I'm sleeping more. lol) and packed up everything pretty early. Then breakfast, cabin clean-up, BROOMING COLIN (already up on facebook somewhere!), final rehearsal and then the concert.

It's sad that, thinking back, this will be the last RMC that I'll attend as a student. There were a lot of good times... I don't want the bonds that we all have to unravel. If the time comes when that happens, will I have the strength to accept it gracefully? As I am right now, I doubt it.

Anyways, this was a plenty long post. I'll add it a bit about the whole "2 years going to waste" thing later on, in a different post.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- The first thing I did when I got back from camp was take a really long hot bath. It was like HEAVENNN. :)

Rocketman!

"Hi. Today, I ran down my street singing "Rocketman" at 10 pm."

Instead of doing my (optional) advanced homework like a good asian girl tonight, I've decided to waste my time blogging.

Although it doesn't happen much, there are times where I'll have a thought or two (yes, a real thought!) that I'd like to share with the few other people who'd bother to receive it. This is one of those times.

Recently in English class, we've been reading a lot of essays lately. Some of them have been poorly written, but equally some have been written quite well. One that struck a chord in me was an essay called "T.V Tunnel." This essay spoke of idealism, or, rather, the lack of, in today's society. The author stated that human beings will often shy away from topics of real importance for fear of the possibility that embarrassment will follow our answers. We, as humans, crave security. We do not answer questions such as "What is the point?" or "Why am I doing this?" because it forces us to think, dispels us from the illusion of our "comfort zone." So we stick to our conformity, our pact that we won't disrupt the blind eye turning, and in doing so bring about the death of passion, dreams and idealism.

Does this not bother anyone?

One quote in the essay was from J.D Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye." The quote was about the difference between an immature man and a mature man. To Salinger, the immature man was the one who would die for an idea; the mature one was the one who lived humbly in the background. The author, whose name escapes me for the moment, disagreed with Salinger; I, in turn, agreed with the author. There is nothing noble about living like a wall and hiding from knowledge. And there is nothing immature about following an idea.

After some analyzation of the essay, my english teacher said one thing that pushed me to write this blog. I don't remember his exact words, but he told us "Isn't this essay pretty much a written challenge from the author to us, as his readers, to prove him wrong?"

This got me thinking about who I am. Am I the type of person to hide from a question because I'm scared of it? Do I follow the conformities set by people around me, or do I follow my own ideals? Looking back, I've been pretty headstrong; I do what I want, and I do it whenever I want to. I think of my own ways to do things and, let's face it, if you know me at all, you'll know that my comfort zone is what is considered "uncomfortable" by most people. But I also love a challenge- I can never resist one. Which is why I think that it's time I did more, time I took more action for the things I believe in. Even if no one else believes in them.

So here's (the first part of) my challenge to you: try to look at your life from the outside in. Are you really your own unique self? What are your ideals? Your dreams? Your passions? Why do you do the things you do? Are you really following a path that you choose, or are you stuck in a rut that's been carved for you? Question yourself.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Someone threw a shoe out their window at me to get me to shut up. Haha.

Garbage Can Adventures

"Hi. Today, I was picked up and thrown in a garbage can by a meanie. :("

No, seriously, I was. Hmphhh. (It was also noted that I actually do say "hmph" in real life.) But he won't be doing it again! Because I won't let him. I'm a tough cookie. :D (okay, sort of.)

There isn't really much to write about today... Except that I've been feeling more like myself than ever. I'm not sure what brought this along, but I've been feeling really really great lately. I'm even jumping up and down in rehearsals again... something which a lot of people probably laugh at me for, haha. I guess it just goes to prove that you don't need anyone else to be yourself.

Of course, it could also be because of the new people I've recently started talking to. And I don't mean just a "Hi" when passing by in the hallways. I actually talk to them now. Even if they didn't mean to help me with it, I'd like to thank those people for setting me straight again. I won't actually do it in person, though. That's totally unbecoming of me. :)

Anyways, I'd better get my lazy bum off of blogspot and get to doing my homework. And maybe get to sleep before 5 today? We'll see. :)

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- NEVER AGAIN. :D you'll see. lol

Falling like a Phone Pole

"Hi. Today, I watched a pick-up truck do a U-turn...
...straight into a telephone pole."

I also had my TYWO audition today. With that, it feels as though my year has officially begun- from here on in, it's gonna be chaos. If I make it, that is. Between classes, practice, rehearsals, jobs and homework, I wonder if I'll have time to sleep, haha.

After my audition, I started my book search. I'm looking for Moonlight on the Avenue of Faith and Jitterbug Perfume. I'm supposed to be reading one of them for my English ISU, but in actuality, I'm interested in reading both of them just for the fun of it. I only found the Robbins though, which I could've found in a nearby library. The Nahai is a little bit more evasive... But I'm tracking it down. :) I should have it in my possession by the end of tomorrow.

Anyhow, here's what cppye stands for: Chimes Pirate Punk YE. I'll be genuinely shocked if anyone (other than the ones who came up with it) understand what it means, haha. Here's a small break down:

Chimes - an instrument I play. Included in the name because of Ticheli's Crystal Moon- there's a one note chimes solo in it.

Pirate - In the eternal battle of ninjas versus pirates, I'm more on the pirate side.

Punk - A bit of a pet-name for me... Haha. :)

YE - "YEHHHH." Need I say more?

So... that's that. "ChimesPiratePunkYe" was a name I once used somewhere too. Any guesses where?

Goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S.- The pick-up truck ended up making the phone pole fall over, suspended by the wires. It was pretty awesome- ever seen a telephone pole dangling above a pick-up truck? Before now, me neither.

Flying Couches and so on.

"Hi. I've started this blog today in order to announce to the world that I have thrown a couch off of my grandparents' balcony."

At the suggestion of a friend, I've decided to start a blog. I'm not really good at the whole blogging thing because... well, I never really get into it. I can't seem to get serious enough to stay committed to posting the day's going-ons and what-nots on a regular basis. However, for this friend, I'll at least try to find something interesting to write about daily.

To start off, I'm gonna steal a line or two from a certain commercial...
"Look at the name of the blog. Now look at the web url. Now look at the name of the blog. Now look at the web url."

They aren't the same, are they?

As some of you may know, "Music Ecstasy" is my e-mail address, my youtube account; my ID for several other online spots. So it isn't uncommon for it to be the name of the blog. But "cppye"? Not too many people know about that.

Give me a day or two to think of a way of explaining it that is worthy of such content. (Okay, it's not actually that special; I just don't know how to explain it yet.) Try to guess what it means- I'll get back to it in a day or two.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

BTW, I really did throw a couch off of my grandparents' balcony today.