Today

"Hi. Today is the greatest day of them all..."

You smiled at me.

For the first time in a long time, you allowed me to see you smile.

I feel as though my heart as been torn in two.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Still hoping that you will someday forgive me for the things I've done you blame me for.

Who knew?

"Hi. Today, I'm writing as a result of a friend suggesting that I do. I've got no clue where this post is going to end up... But then again, I never really do."

I'm gonna swallow my pride and admit to it here; Let's face it, I've made some pretty bad decisions in my short (almost) 18 years of life. In my younger teenage years, I might have beaten myself up over this, but over time I have learned that it's not my fault. Nor is it anyone else's. The thing with decisions is that you can never be 100% certain of the result. Whether a decision is a good one or not can only be judged after said decision has been followed through.

Recently, I decided to commit to something that made one party happy, but probably hurt other parties (on a varying scale of hurts, of course.) I had no idea what would happen, how I would feel about it, how far this initial attempt would develop... I definitely did not see what was coming.

Looking back on what's happened recently with this commitment, I can't really say whether or not it's worth continuing. There are times when I feel like it's something that's worth my time and effort, that it's something that is making me and will continue to make me happy. However, there are also moments of grief- jealousy, restraint, emotional strain, physical pain... Another thing about this situation is that there are (mainly) two parties involved. And sometimes, it just feels like the other party doesn't care quite as much as I do, doesn't make as much of an effort.

I'm really beginning to question my options. One of the obvious ones is to continue as I have been, trying to work everything out. The second is to give up.

The first one is the one I'm more likely to go with, mostly because I do not want to insult or hurt the second party. It is unclear, however, how and whether everything will work out. What if, in the end, it's all a waste of time and effort?

My second option is harder for me to do. I don't want to hurt anyone, nor does it seem fair to those who have been hurt/insulted by my initial actions. And really, it feels as though I would be giving up. For those of you who don't really know me too well, I can be incredibly stubborn at times (yes, I'm aware of it)- choosing to give up would make me seem so fickle.

So those are my thoughts right now...
Any opinions/suggestions? They'd be much appreciated.

goodbye
ttyl :)

P.S- Ehh... Don't think I actually got anywhere with this post. Oh well.

Something about Penguins

"Hi. Today, I promised that my blog post would involve penguins... So there you go. That's all the blog space that penguins get. Onwards, ho!"

Unspoken words.

Once I think of them, they just want out. They want to be expressed, want to be spoken, want to be heard. If I don't say them, it feels like I'll explode.

So that's why I sometimes just run away and scream them to the heavens.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- You'll never know.

Sometimes.

"Hi. Today, I haven't really got much time to write... But I barely write nowadays anyways. Gahh, I'll try and write more. Seriously. (Although... no one really reads this anyways, bahaha.)"

These days, it feels like you're ignoring me. You pretend that I'm not there, you never meet my eyes. You won't speak to me, and my words never seem to reach your ears.

Yet sometimes...

There are times when I catch you looking at me.

I'll turn around, and for a quick flash, my eyes will meet yours. Then, of course... You turn away, and pretend it never happened. But why? Do I scare you? Do you hate me?

Or...

Is there something you want to say?

And don't get me wrong. It's not that I have nothing to say to you, nor that I don't want to say anything to you. It's that I can't say anything to you. You won't give me the chance to tell you all the thoughts that run through my head. To be fair, I'm not giving myself that chance either; the fear of repulsion, of rejection, of worsening the situation is much greater than my need to speak.

So until I gain the courage to tell you, I'll remain silent.

As fake as ever.

goodbye
ttyl :)

P.S- I realize that this blog is rather obscure, seeing as I haven't named anyone. I apologize for that. My next blog will be something about a penguin. Or something strange like that. :)

IyouREALLYneedHATEtoUNCLEARjustMESSAGESsay it. [Mixed messages]

"Hi. Today, there was a dodgeball event at school for the music department. Within 2 minutes of getting on the court, I tripped and fell backwards, hitting my head on the floor. I did a sick roll to get back up after that though. Bahaha."

You know what really bugs me sometimes? The weird, abstract things that people post online. Sometimes, they're just weird quotes or random phrases. Other times, they're song lyrics. But the thing is that they're never clear. You can't tell what this person is trying to say.

My way of thinking is that if it's posted, the person obviously wants to get a message across. So why tread water? Just go for it.

...Yeah, that's all I had to say tonight. Man, am I tired.

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Whenever I have song lyrics up, it's usually because that's a song that's either stuck in my head or that I've been listening to recently and really like. Whether I'm listening to the song because of how I'm feeling... Ehh who knows.

I'm good at wasting time...

"Hi. Today, I wasted time. But isn't everything a waste of time?"

I've been busy procrastinating.
Seriously.

Anyways, I created both a Twitter and a Tumblr account today. I was bored, and a friend of mine suggested Twitter. Things led to one another and... yeah.
Got me thinking though. How come I have time to do this and not something worthwhile?
What exactly can I do right now anyways?

Things I would like to be doing:
-hanging with friends
-talking to friends
-playing piano
-finally getting around to posting something else on YouTube? (although, my little sister stole the camera, so I have no clue how I'm gonna do that anymore...)
-sleeping
-running around outside
-reading
-painting (need paint!)
-drawing
-composing
-arranging
-writing
-OHGOSH there's a lot of stuff.

but instead, I'm in front of my computer.

We're addicted to being connected through the outside world through inside ways...

goodbye
ttyl. :)

P.S- Once again, I fail to give an update on life. But you know what?
None of that is important.