Let's be frank: I haven't blogged in a while. I know, I know- Tsk tsk, bad girl, slap on the wrist. I said that I'd always find interesting things in my day to write about, and yes, there's always something interesting.
So why not blog?
In all honesty... I don't know.
I've been stuck in a rut. Things don't seem special enough to blog about, or it seems like I'm wasting digi-space by writing about the silly little ongoings of my life. Lately, I've been feeling really unaccomplished, like I should be doing something big and meaningful with my life right now, instead of squandering it away like I have been thus far in life. I've been trying to push myself to work more this year, to get under the skin of issues I've been eyeing only from a distance. As far as I can tell... It's not working.
Maybe I owe it to my personality. People have been remarking to me lately that I'm very chill about things. I don't seem to stress over homework assignments and tests, nor do I panic at the thought of university applications. The thing is, I do. Somewhere deep inside, I realize that I do worry about things, I do panic, and that I have some (okay no, a LOT) of insecurities, as much as I hate to admit it. But it never gets out. On it's way out of my insides, it gets cooled and frozen over so that, by the time it reaches surface level, I don't stress about it anymore. I still acknowledge it as something I need to do, or something I need to fix... It just doesn't seem so urgent anymore.
I think now would be a good time as any to state that I do have a passion for writing. Actually, no. I don't have a passion for writing. I enjoy the english language as a whole. I love to read, write, analyze, utilize and be (harhar) english. I view language as an art form, with english as my material and reading, writing, analysis and vocalization as my means. But, the same with any art form, how freely it is expressed can be affected by one's mood.
Looking back upon this past week, I've realized how unlike myself I've been. I'm not sure what's wrong, I just seem to be stuck in a bit of a funk. I feel like there's something I'm missing... Or is it just that there's something I'm craving? But if that something that I'm craving is the thing of which I'm thinking, then there's almost no possibility of my avidity becoming a reality.
Sigh.
At least I still have my way with words.
ttyl. :)
P.S- What a flowchart of events this blog has been, lol. No, I don't know what I was trying to say. No, I'm not on any sort of substance. Haha. Maybe this blog post is akin to one of the responses you more often than not see in a contest- "Sorry, Try Again Next Time."
No comments:
Post a Comment