Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
On Nothing
"Hi. Today... I don't really have much to say. I'm all cried out, I guess."
Weakness.
How much of it can I allow myself?
goodbye
ttyl :)
P.S- That totally (did NOT) count as a post. Shhh.
Weakness.
How much of it can I allow myself?
ttyl :)
P.S- That totally (did NOT) count as a post. Shhh.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Knowledge
"Hi. Today, I'm... really only writing this blog post because I did promise to blog every day. Haha, here we gooooooo!"
Humankind seems to thirst for knowledge. We're naturally curious, we always want to know the answer. We fear the unknown... Mysteries are bad for us. Not knowing the answer costs us. Questions without clear answers drive us insane. We riddle over everything, searching for definite answers.
Yet Socrates once said "I am the smartest man, for I know that I know nothing."
What really defines knowledge?
How can you define someone as smart?
If you have all the answers... Does that really mean you are knowledgable? Are you really smart? Wise? Clever?
Just something to ponder.
goodbye
ttyl :)
P.S- I myself prefer to ponder over questions without clear answers.
Humankind seems to thirst for knowledge. We're naturally curious, we always want to know the answer. We fear the unknown... Mysteries are bad for us. Not knowing the answer costs us. Questions without clear answers drive us insane. We riddle over everything, searching for definite answers.
Yet Socrates once said "I am the smartest man, for I know that I know nothing."
What really defines knowledge?
How can you define someone as smart?
If you have all the answers... Does that really mean you are knowledgable? Are you really smart? Wise? Clever?
Just something to ponder.
ttyl :)
P.S- I myself prefer to ponder over questions without clear answers.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Would you know my name?
...If I saw you in heaven.
"Hi. I know I'm not really keeping up with the whole "Hi... ttyl :) P.S" structure that I set for myself in the beginning of this blog's time (eek!) but I haven't really been feeling like it... Again, something I'll try and get myself back to."
I don't know what's up with me tonight. It's that feeling that gets me every time... After all these years of going through it, I think I've finally pegged it for what it is.
Have you ever felt so lonely that it drove you insane?
It feels like I've driven myself into a situation where there isn't anyone I can talk to anymore, no one close enough to share all my secrets with. There have only been a few people like that to begin with, but somehow, something goes wrong every time. Tonight, there's no one close. No one to talk to, no one to understand. No one to cheer me up. No one to hold me, and tell me everything it's alright.
No one to tell me I'm not alone.
Because, in the end, I really am.
A natural loner, the black sheep in the family.
What made me this way?
Why am I this way?
I'm so confused...
There are times where I feel reduced to a little girl. Everything's too big, it towers over me. I can't see where I'm going, I've lost my way. Sometimes, I want a hand to hold on to, someone to guide me, someone to carry me when I'm tired. Maybe not even someone to do all that... What I wouldn't give for someone to just be by my side. We could even get lost together... I wouldn't mind. Not as long as you're here with me.
Or maybe I should just grow up.
I just want to shake myself out of this. I want to grab myself by the shoulders, give me a wake-up call back to life.
Wake up.
Stop being so selfish.
Stop being so immature.
You aren't a child anymore.
Get stronger.
Don't cry.
No weaknesses.
No mistakes.
Be perfect.
So what if you're on your own?
That's all you've ever had- "Me, myself, and I."
The only people you can trust.
That's all you need, right?
I keep telling myself this, and that somehow, I'll make everything work out.
Failure doesn't happen because failure just isn't an option to me.
Failure is unacceptable.
So are mistakes.
So is weakness.
So once again, close your eyes.
Hold back your tears, hold in your heart.
Let no one see your sadness, your worries, your loneliness.
goodbye
ttyl. (not feeling so smiley tonight... I'm just going to listen to music for a few hours, I think.)
P.S- It really isn't.
"Hi. I know I'm not really keeping up with the whole "Hi... ttyl :) P.S" structure that I set for myself in the beginning of this blog's time (eek!) but I haven't really been feeling like it... Again, something I'll try and get myself back to."
I don't know what's up with me tonight. It's that feeling that gets me every time... After all these years of going through it, I think I've finally pegged it for what it is.
Have you ever felt so lonely that it drove you insane?
It feels like I've driven myself into a situation where there isn't anyone I can talk to anymore, no one close enough to share all my secrets with. There have only been a few people like that to begin with, but somehow, something goes wrong every time. Tonight, there's no one close. No one to talk to, no one to understand. No one to cheer me up. No one to hold me, and tell me everything it's alright.
No one to tell me I'm not alone.
Because, in the end, I really am.
A natural loner, the black sheep in the family.
What made me this way?
Why am I this way?
I'm so confused...
There are times where I feel reduced to a little girl. Everything's too big, it towers over me. I can't see where I'm going, I've lost my way. Sometimes, I want a hand to hold on to, someone to guide me, someone to carry me when I'm tired. Maybe not even someone to do all that... What I wouldn't give for someone to just be by my side. We could even get lost together... I wouldn't mind. Not as long as you're here with me.
Or maybe I should just grow up.
I just want to shake myself out of this. I want to grab myself by the shoulders, give me a wake-up call back to life.
Wake up.
Stop being so selfish.
Stop being so immature.
You aren't a child anymore.
Get stronger.
Don't cry.
No weaknesses.
No mistakes.
Be perfect.
So what if you're on your own?
That's all you've ever had- "Me, myself, and I."
The only people you can trust.
That's all you need, right?
I keep telling myself this, and that somehow, I'll make everything work out.
Failure doesn't happen because failure just isn't an option to me.
Failure is unacceptable.
So are mistakes.
So is weakness.
So once again, close your eyes.
Hold back your tears, hold in your heart.
Let no one see your sadness, your worries, your loneliness.
ttyl. (not feeling so smiley tonight... I'm just going to listen to music for a few hours, I think.)
P.S- It really isn't.
Hush-a-Bye Baby
Shh.
Listen.
...
Do you hear that?
...
Silence.
Friendly-turned-silent conversations, going on between us.
You, I know, are hurting. You, I know, are regretting. You, I know, are thinking.
You, I don't know what to say to.
How do I help you? What can I say to you? Something so friendly, so jovial, so innocent, now turned guilty, scarred, sinful.
When did it all change?
No longer are our conversations light and carefree, innocently, blissfully, ignorantly childlike. They have matured, carrying with them the conscious weight of guilt, of drama, of knowledge.
So what can I say to you?
To be honest, I fear hurting you. I fear saying things that will remind you, will reproach you, will turn you further away from me.
So all I can do now is offer you my silence, and hope my screaming message is somehow delivered through there.
...
Hush.
Listen again.
Closely now...
...
What is it?
Something that has always been there, a sound that hasn't stopped sounding since even before you drew your first breath.
A sound we often take for granted, often forget.
A heartbeat.
Your heartbeat.
My heartbeat.
Did you know that the average teenage heart beats 75 times a minute?
For 442 days, my existence was defined by your presence. For 10608 hours, I was by your side. For 636480 minutes, I took my every breath with yours.
My heart beat with yours, 47736000 times.
And yet, it took less than half that time to forget you.
All it took was distance.
All it took was absence.
All it took was silence.
I realize now.
How powerful silence can be.
Listen.
...
Do you hear that?
...
Silence.
Friendly-turned-silent conversations, going on between us.
You, I know, are hurting. You, I know, are regretting. You, I know, are thinking.
You, I don't know what to say to.
How do I help you? What can I say to you? Something so friendly, so jovial, so innocent, now turned guilty, scarred, sinful.
When did it all change?
No longer are our conversations light and carefree, innocently, blissfully, ignorantly childlike. They have matured, carrying with them the conscious weight of guilt, of drama, of knowledge.
So what can I say to you?
To be honest, I fear hurting you. I fear saying things that will remind you, will reproach you, will turn you further away from me.
So all I can do now is offer you my silence, and hope my screaming message is somehow delivered through there.
...
Hush.
Listen again.
Closely now...
...
What is it?
Something that has always been there, a sound that hasn't stopped sounding since even before you drew your first breath.
A sound we often take for granted, often forget.
A heartbeat.
Your heartbeat.
My heartbeat.
Did you know that the average teenage heart beats 75 times a minute?
For 442 days, my existence was defined by your presence. For 10608 hours, I was by your side. For 636480 minutes, I took my every breath with yours.
My heart beat with yours, 47736000 times.
And yet, it took less than half that time to forget you.
All it took was distance.
All it took was absence.
All it took was silence.
I realize now.
How powerful silence can be.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Daily Boredom
"Hi. Today, I've decided to start blogging again. Just... on anything random. Let's hope this works! *fingers crossed*!"
It's summer vacation. (Yay!) Usually, this means work for me, or trips, but this summer, I'm sorta just taking it chill. For the first few weeks of summer, there were parties, and there was camp, but now... I have a full week of nothing scheduled (with the occasional get together or frisbee game.) Most people would find this intolerable, and probably go insane, or find something to do.
Me?
I'm enjoying all this downtime. :)
During the school year, I'm usually so busy that I can't even catch my own breath. I'd be getting 2-4 hours of sleep on average, I'd be pulling events together, doing projects, assignments, research, work, practicing... Not to mention dealing with your typical high school drama. It's a busy, hectic life, haha.
Today, I woke up after getting a full 8 hours of sleep. My plans for today are as follows: play piano, derp around on the computer, take a nap, read, go biking. That's pretty much been my plan for the entire month so far... :) I'm liking it.
There are, of course, some days when I'll be busy. I still work. I still go out with friends. I still go on trips, assign myself mini-projects and the like.
Just... not as jam-packed as usual. :)
ANYWAYS I'm gonna go back to doing nothing now.
goodbye
ttyl :)
P.S- If anyone ever gets bored... Let's chill. I've actually got time to now. :D
It's summer vacation. (Yay!) Usually, this means work for me, or trips, but this summer, I'm sorta just taking it chill. For the first few weeks of summer, there were parties, and there was camp, but now... I have a full week of nothing scheduled (with the occasional get together or frisbee game.) Most people would find this intolerable, and probably go insane, or find something to do.
Me?
I'm enjoying all this downtime. :)
During the school year, I'm usually so busy that I can't even catch my own breath. I'd be getting 2-4 hours of sleep on average, I'd be pulling events together, doing projects, assignments, research, work, practicing... Not to mention dealing with your typical high school drama. It's a busy, hectic life, haha.
Today, I woke up after getting a full 8 hours of sleep. My plans for today are as follows: play piano, derp around on the computer, take a nap, read, go biking. That's pretty much been my plan for the entire month so far... :) I'm liking it.
There are, of course, some days when I'll be busy. I still work. I still go out with friends. I still go on trips, assign myself mini-projects and the like.
Just... not as jam-packed as usual. :)
ANYWAYS I'm gonna go back to doing nothing now.
ttyl :)
P.S- If anyone ever gets bored... Let's chill. I've actually got time to now. :D
Sunday, July 17, 2011
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