Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Pressure
"Hi. Today, I'm feeling sorta dizzy. That could be due to the fact that I've been playing Minecraft nonstop since I woke up though... Thanks again, Benny! <3"
Anyhow. I recently found out that I was on Amin's list of "Blogs of Note," which you can find by clicking on the link. Now, I was having fun, going down the list, reading and following other people's blogs like crazy, when I got to the description of my blog. Check it out:
To me, this blog is rented space where I can rant about things. I can let go of thoughts I've had throughout the day, emotions I've been holding in, messages I'm keeping unsent. I don't really go into depth about anything serious... I just say what I want, haha. But now, I think I'm feeling pressured into making sure that every blog post of mine is something deep.
Profound.
A la Confucius.
I don't mind making deep posts, but I don't want to feel like every post has to be like this.
Pressure... can be a good or bad thing. It can be used as a guide towards improvement, or it can drive someone to make rash decisions. My grade 7 teacher once told me this:
Personally, I would prefer a world without pressure. If I need motivation, I want it to be a self-driven motivation. I don't want to be told what to do by anyone other than me. Also... I think I'd like to be able to just take a break, you know? Lay down, relax, not have to worry about things that are going on or things that have to be done.
Swimming is a good parallel to this, I think. While it's nice to strive for a goal, to get to your destination, we need to remember that we are all human. Sometimes, it might be better to just float for a while.
goodbye
ttyl. :)
P.S- I'm also feeling a bit cautious on updating about my personal life now... How do I know whether or not someone I don't want reading this blog is actually reading this blog while I don't want them to?
[Edit: So after reading this post, Amin changed the description of my blog. It now reads...
Anyhow. I recently found out that I was on Amin's list of "Blogs of Note," which you can find by clicking on the link. Now, I was having fun, going down the list, reading and following other people's blogs like crazy, when I got to the description of my blog. Check it out:
music-ecstasy - by Mandy T.A really deep blog, you have to know what's going on in order to get the posts. But the fish pond is awesome and the music list is really nice too. So even if you don't get the posts, you'll still find a reason to visit =DI agree that my blogs are sorta random, and if you aren't me, or someone with extreme knowledge of what I'm going through on a daily basis (which... pretty much is just me), then you'll have no clue what's going on. While the fish pond is, in my opinion, a nice touch, the music list has been deleted. (Hah, shows how much you've been paying attention to my blog, Amin!) What I disagree with, however, is the comment about this being "A really deep blog."
To me, this blog is rented space where I can rant about things. I can let go of thoughts I've had throughout the day, emotions I've been holding in, messages I'm keeping unsent. I don't really go into depth about anything serious... I just say what I want, haha. But now, I think I'm feeling pressured into making sure that every blog post of mine is something deep.
Profound.
A la Confucius.
I don't mind making deep posts, but I don't want to feel like every post has to be like this.
Pressure... can be a good or bad thing. It can be used as a guide towards improvement, or it can drive someone to make rash decisions. My grade 7 teacher once told me this:
A diamond is a rock made good under pressure.But what if the rock cracks? What if it never makes it to the diamond stage, if it can't stand the pressure, if it can't take the heat? Then what?
Personally, I would prefer a world without pressure. If I need motivation, I want it to be a self-driven motivation. I don't want to be told what to do by anyone other than me. Also... I think I'd like to be able to just take a break, you know? Lay down, relax, not have to worry about things that are going on or things that have to be done.
Swimming is a good parallel to this, I think. While it's nice to strive for a goal, to get to your destination, we need to remember that we are all human. Sometimes, it might be better to just float for a while.
Alright already we'll all float on.
Alright, don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.
We'll all float on...alright.
Already we'll all float on.
And we'll all float on, okay.
ttyl. :)
P.S- I'm also feeling a bit cautious on updating about my personal life now... How do I know whether or not someone I don't want reading this blog is actually reading this blog while I don't want them to?
[Edit: So after reading this post, Amin changed the description of my blog. It now reads...
music-ecstasy - by Mandy T.Good save, buddy. :P I might decide to stick up a music player again soon though... My old one was glitching.]
A really deep blog, you have to know what's going on in order to get the posts. But the fish pond is awesome and the quotes widget is humorous too. So even if you don't get the posts, you'll still find a reason to visit =D
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
2 Hours.
"Hi. Today, it's my last day being 17 years old."
I recently read an english translation of "The Stranger" by Albert Camus. It left me thinking... Why do we bother to try? Even if we accomplish all that we've set on our meaningless bucket lists, it doesn't change anything; We are all condemned to die.
When I think about what I've accomplished over the past 17 years... Well, it's not really much. But you know what? I'm enjoying life regardless. I do stupid things every day, and I probably make a billion bad decisions as well. But I have fun doing it; I enjoy hanging out with my friends, doing whatever I want, goofing off, being myself... That's the way I want to live my life.
I am me.
Even without you.
17 has been a good year. Of course, I've said that about every year so far... I never know what to say on the eve of my birthday. There's the whole excitement and anticipation rush that comes with realizing you have the wisdom of another year under your belt, but at the same time, there's this sense of melancholy and bittersweetness when you think of how much time you've wasted... How time has flown by. Time you'll never get back, time you'll never return to. And I'll miss it...
But you know what. I've got loads to look forward to. So I'm gonna just continue doing what I've been doing over the past few years for the rest of these two hours; whatever the hell that I want.
Turning 18?
Let's do this.
So, age 17... I raise my glass to you. It's been a good year... Lots of memories have been made. Most, sadly, I will most likely forget; The most important ones will stay with me for life.
Thank you to all my friends who have been with me throughout the year. Even if we are far now... Thank you. You've brought me to where I am today.
goodbye
ttyl. :)
P.S- Some things still just don't change. I'm sorry.
Pero ti amo ancora.
I recently read an english translation of "The Stranger" by Albert Camus. It left me thinking... Why do we bother to try? Even if we accomplish all that we've set on our meaningless bucket lists, it doesn't change anything; We are all condemned to die.
When I think about what I've accomplished over the past 17 years... Well, it's not really much. But you know what? I'm enjoying life regardless. I do stupid things every day, and I probably make a billion bad decisions as well. But I have fun doing it; I enjoy hanging out with my friends, doing whatever I want, goofing off, being myself... That's the way I want to live my life.
I am me.
Even without you.
17 has been a good year. Of course, I've said that about every year so far... I never know what to say on the eve of my birthday. There's the whole excitement and anticipation rush that comes with realizing you have the wisdom of another year under your belt, but at the same time, there's this sense of melancholy and bittersweetness when you think of how much time you've wasted... How time has flown by. Time you'll never get back, time you'll never return to. And I'll miss it...
But you know what. I've got loads to look forward to. So I'm gonna just continue doing what I've been doing over the past few years for the rest of these two hours; whatever the hell that I want.
Turning 18?
Let's do this.
So, age 17... I raise my glass to you. It's been a good year... Lots of memories have been made. Most, sadly, I will most likely forget; The most important ones will stay with me for life.
Thank you to all my friends who have been with me throughout the year. Even if we are far now... Thank you. You've brought me to where I am today.
ttyl. :)
P.S- Some things still just don't change. I'm sorry.
Pero ti amo ancora.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
On Jealousy
"Hi. Today, it snowed. Yesterday, it rained. Boy, this weekend just keeps getting worse."
There are a billion posts out there like this one. A million of them were probably written by yours truly. But it's a topic that just keeps coming back to haunt me. I can't forget.
I know that the world's filled with other girls and other guys,
but can you blame me for wanting to be the only one in your eyes?
I don't want to hold you back from anything or anyone. I don't think I could take the guilt and weight of knowing that it's my fault. I don't even know if I could stand all the attention, haha.
But sometimes, I just want some small clue.
Not cheap words or trinkets, false "i love you"'s.
Jealousy turns people into monsters. It makes them act in stupid ways, actions that they later regret. I know that I've been there... Acting for selfish reason, out of conclusion, rash decisions. And then having to face the confrontations, the angry words, the blame, the consequences.
I shouldn't have done it, I should've played fair,
It's just so frustrating when I can't tell if you care.
Asking a question isn't always done with words. There are other signs, other languages, other ways to communicate the need for an answer, a confirmation of some sort. Body language, eye contact... Words that refuse to be spoken. Actions with a purpose.
Gotta learn to read between the lines,
Pick up on the questions, the needs, the hurt that I hide.
But you know what? It doesn't really work. All that will result is anger, frustration, confusion, miscommunication. There's always a better way to talk. Even if you refuse to speak the words... The signs will always be there.
Try to look beyond that smile;
Tell me, what can you see within her eyes?
Jealousy is an ugly thing.
goodbye
ttyl. :)
P.S- Sorry.
There are a billion posts out there like this one. A million of them were probably written by yours truly. But it's a topic that just keeps coming back to haunt me. I can't forget.
I know that the world's filled with other girls and other guys,
but can you blame me for wanting to be the only one in your eyes?
I don't want to hold you back from anything or anyone. I don't think I could take the guilt and weight of knowing that it's my fault. I don't even know if I could stand all the attention, haha.
But sometimes, I just want some small clue.
Not cheap words or trinkets, false "i love you"'s.
Jealousy turns people into monsters. It makes them act in stupid ways, actions that they later regret. I know that I've been there... Acting for selfish reason, out of conclusion, rash decisions. And then having to face the confrontations, the angry words, the blame, the consequences.
I shouldn't have done it, I should've played fair,
It's just so frustrating when I can't tell if you care.
Asking a question isn't always done with words. There are other signs, other languages, other ways to communicate the need for an answer, a confirmation of some sort. Body language, eye contact... Words that refuse to be spoken. Actions with a purpose.
Gotta learn to read between the lines,
Pick up on the questions, the needs, the hurt that I hide.
But you know what? It doesn't really work. All that will result is anger, frustration, confusion, miscommunication. There's always a better way to talk. Even if you refuse to speak the words... The signs will always be there.
Try to look beyond that smile;
Tell me, what can you see within her eyes?
Jealousy is an ugly thing.
ttyl. :)
P.S- Sorry.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Update that thing, kiddo.
"Hi. Today, I'm forcing myself to sit down and finally write a decent blogpost. Here goesssss."
Alright so... I have no clue when all the serious blogging stopped, but here are some recent events. :)
Auditions: I've been running back and forth between cities recently (my mom's getting mad about the price of gas, haha) to do auditions for universities... Percussionists are usually the last to go. However, this means that I haven't been accepted anywhere yet... I'm getting worried, haha. I'm not gonna get accepted anywhere!
TYWO Concert: April 8th was the last (Canadian) concert of the season. We didn't play much... Just Holst's The Planets Suite. Lol. In my opinion, it was pretty awesome. I mean, there were a lot of things that could have been improved, but it was good. We've got over a month to go before the Carnegie Hall trip, so there's lots of time to work on it. Another thing that could have been improved was probably our timing... We ended up being half an hour late, haha. The stage crew probably expected that though, we do this every year.
Spring Showcase: Was this past Thursday. It was a bittersweet concert... This is my second last performance of high school, the last time performing on the RHCPA, the last time being on that stage, the last time panicking about all the work to do... It was a lot of lasts for me. I'm sure the Finale will be even sadder... But it was a good concert, you know? Everything went pretty smoothly (possible exceptions being rebellious niners and our time issues) and some of us went for bubble tea after- something that has become somewhat a tradition in our department. Wind Ensemble and Senior Jazz did especially well... It wasn't our best, but it was good. We've had a good run, seniors. Just Shoeless Joe's and the Finale to go!
Ultimate: Our first Ultimate Frisbee tourney was yesterday. Thanks to some "expert coaching" (hahaaaaaa, thanks Matt!) I finally (sort of) got the hang of the game. It was a thrill, finally doing some sort of sport again after so long (haven't done anything of the sort since grade 8...!) We played against Newmarket, Markville, St. Augustine's, Thornhill and Milliken Mills. I ran into some guy in the middle of the St. A game though... And wasn't allowed to play after that. Sigh. I feel like I've let a lot of people down... Anywho, we played well, but there were definitely things we could have improved on. Rephrase, there were tons of things I could have improved on. Time for me to get training... Oh jeez, I've got a long way to go. But YEAH. GOOOOOOOOO BAYVIEW.
And that's... all that I really feel is important enough to be on here, haha. Not much has changed otherwise. Life is still crazy, parties go on every day (I think that's just because my friends and I party non-stop, haha) and uhh... Things are still messed up. Some things are the same, some things are different. But c'est la vie, oui?
goodbye
ttyl :)
P.S- Jealousy is an ugly thing. More on that later. (This is a note to myself to post more on that later. DO IT, MANDY. DO IT.)
Alright so... I have no clue when all the serious blogging stopped, but here are some recent events. :)
Auditions: I've been running back and forth between cities recently (my mom's getting mad about the price of gas, haha) to do auditions for universities... Percussionists are usually the last to go. However, this means that I haven't been accepted anywhere yet... I'm getting worried, haha. I'm not gonna get accepted anywhere!
TYWO Concert: April 8th was the last (Canadian) concert of the season. We didn't play much... Just Holst's The Planets Suite. Lol. In my opinion, it was pretty awesome. I mean, there were a lot of things that could have been improved, but it was good. We've got over a month to go before the Carnegie Hall trip, so there's lots of time to work on it. Another thing that could have been improved was probably our timing... We ended up being half an hour late, haha. The stage crew probably expected that though, we do this every year.
Spring Showcase: Was this past Thursday. It was a bittersweet concert... This is my second last performance of high school, the last time performing on the RHCPA, the last time being on that stage, the last time panicking about all the work to do... It was a lot of lasts for me. I'm sure the Finale will be even sadder... But it was a good concert, you know? Everything went pretty smoothly (possible exceptions being rebellious niners and our time issues) and some of us went for bubble tea after- something that has become somewhat a tradition in our department. Wind Ensemble and Senior Jazz did especially well... It wasn't our best, but it was good. We've had a good run, seniors. Just Shoeless Joe's and the Finale to go!
Ultimate: Our first Ultimate Frisbee tourney was yesterday. Thanks to some "expert coaching" (hahaaaaaa, thanks Matt!) I finally (sort of) got the hang of the game. It was a thrill, finally doing some sort of sport again after so long (haven't done anything of the sort since grade 8...!) We played against Newmarket, Markville, St. Augustine's, Thornhill and Milliken Mills. I ran into some guy in the middle of the St. A game though... And wasn't allowed to play after that. Sigh. I feel like I've let a lot of people down... Anywho, we played well, but there were definitely things we could have improved on. Rephrase, there were tons of things I could have improved on. Time for me to get training... Oh jeez, I've got a long way to go. But YEAH. GOOOOOOOOO BAYVIEW.
And that's... all that I really feel is important enough to be on here, haha. Not much has changed otherwise. Life is still crazy, parties go on every day (I think that's just because my friends and I party non-stop, haha) and uhh... Things are still messed up. Some things are the same, some things are different. But c'est la vie, oui?
ttyl :)
P.S- Jealousy is an ugly thing. More on that later. (This is a note to myself to post more on that later. DO IT, MANDY. DO IT.)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Coffee Beans
"Hi. Today, I had a cup of French Vanilla flavoured coffee."
It wasn't all that good, but man... There HAD to have been a TON of sugar and caffeine in that thing. Let me make this clear- I'm already a pretty hyper person. I don't need sugar or caffeine to seem like I'm on a high. So when you have me, trapped in my mom's car waiting for her, on caffeine with nothing but my phone to entertain me...
Well.
The following results.
I hope you can see that, haha.
But yeah. It was sorta fun. I was all trippy for a while after that...
/cough ANYWAYS.
Tomorrow is our Spring Showcase... I've been working on slideshows for the past 5 hours straight.
Man, do I need a life.
goodbye
ttyl. :)
P.S- Like all other times, I PROMISE *coughMAYBE* that I'll do a proper update post soon. When I have time. Maybe.
Serious.
It wasn't all that good, but man... There HAD to have been a TON of sugar and caffeine in that thing. Let me make this clear- I'm already a pretty hyper person. I don't need sugar or caffeine to seem like I'm on a high. So when you have me, trapped in my mom's car waiting for her, on caffeine with nothing but my phone to entertain me...
Well.
The following results.
I hope you can see that, haha.
But yeah. It was sorta fun. I was all trippy for a while after that...
/cough ANYWAYS.
Tomorrow is our Spring Showcase... I've been working on slideshows for the past 5 hours straight.
Man, do I need a life.
ttyl. :)
P.S- Like all other times, I PROMISE *coughMAYBE* that I'll do a proper update post soon. When I have time. Maybe.
Serious.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Ignorance should be a sin.
They say that ignorance is bliss.
In my opinion, it's just stupid. Naivety, foolishness, refusing to see things as they are. When one person can only consider his own thoughts, opinions and feelings in a situation. When he fails to accept other people.
Look; we care about you. We worry about you. We're your friends, people that you can rely on. If we worry about you, don't just shrug it off; or does our concern mean that little to you? Instead of ignoring us, talk to us. Let us in.
Unless you want to keep pushing people away.
ALSO. Our problems are NOT yours. You aren't that important, you're not a crucial part of everything. No one is. So do us all a favour, and get over yourself. Get off your high horse, stop looking down on us. You aren't a god, you're just like us.
Remember the golden rule? Treat others how you wish to be treated. If you want to get to know someone, to be able to care about them, be allowed to worry for them, for them to trust you and talk to you, then you'd better damn right do the same.
When you're ready to grow up, let me know.
In my opinion, it's just stupid. Naivety, foolishness, refusing to see things as they are. When one person can only consider his own thoughts, opinions and feelings in a situation. When he fails to accept other people.
Look; we care about you. We worry about you. We're your friends, people that you can rely on. If we worry about you, don't just shrug it off; or does our concern mean that little to you? Instead of ignoring us, talk to us. Let us in.
Unless you want to keep pushing people away.
ALSO. Our problems are NOT yours. You aren't that important, you're not a crucial part of everything. No one is. So do us all a favour, and get over yourself. Get off your high horse, stop looking down on us. You aren't a god, you're just like us.
Remember the golden rule? Treat others how you wish to be treated. If you want to get to know someone, to be able to care about them, be allowed to worry for them, for them to trust you and talk to you, then you'd better damn right do the same.
When you're ready to grow up, let me know.
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